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 This is what they said in 2000 . . . The world is a crazy place to live. Our leaders don't live by their own values.
Our churches teach us to judge. Our God promises salvation. We journey through
life ... mental illness is a symptom of where we live and with whom we live.
The salvation is the inevitable - we all need saving. May God have mercy on
those of us who are more sensitive when in comes to living is this world. Thank
you for your web site, it is very thought provoking...:-) I thank you for your website and your openess. I am 32 and suffer from depression.
I thought that maybe I could provide some insight? or encouragement? that at
least I can help someone else since I seem to be a bit older than some of the
other people. Depression is an illness. You need medication along with psychotheraphy
just to get through and manage it. I wish that there would be more research,
solutions and understanding about it in life. We need to educate others and
bring depression into the mainstream. Crying non-stop without being able to
stop is a very big sign of depression. I have experienced this myself. It took
me two years to recover. I never thought that depression would come back --
but it did. But the second time I recognized it. It came back 5 years later
when I had a horrible boss...and I lost a boyfriend because of this...and am
scared to take employment again. I am now trying to get myself up in the morning
again and job hunt. But my family understands. I try and take as much action
as I can. Yes I make bad decisions because of it. Yes I lose jobs, I lose relationships,
I lose opportunities. BUT IT IS NOT MY FAULT. I never chose depression. I never
asked for this to happen to me. But depression does not make me a bad person.
We have to learn how to deal with the low periods and really savour the non-depressed
times. I am still trying to accept that I have an illness...but that takes
time. You did not choose depression. Don't opt for suicide. That is not a solution...rather
go to sleep when you can't take it anymore. I highly recommend a book by Louise
Hayes. We need to be kind to ourselves...even if all we can manage is 5 minutes
out of the day. We need to compliment ourselves with what we are able to do
-- even if it is as small as walking around the block. We need to be realistic
with our expectations. No you won't be happy all the time -- especially when
you are in deep deep depression...but it can get better. The world of television
shows that everyone has perfect lives, but the reality is that people live
with various illnesses...and I live with depression. Remember, no one would
choose this illness. It is not your fault. There are times I wonder why I am here. Am I to set the example for others
to follow? But I am no prophet, and now I am not even mentally healthy, whatever.
This journey though life has had it's twists and turns, but now I have an excuse
to be an artist. I have found beauty at last! The sane people are really missing
the boat. Most of them can't sail either. Cruise on, Jeremy! I saw you guys (whomever it actually was) holding up your signs in Miami shortly
after the November, 2000 presidental election. It was at Temple Isreal where
Jessie Jackson was speaking. I was picking up my sons from Sunday School and
all of the kids were looking out from the patio wondering who those guys were.
Jessie was speaking in the sanctuary next door. I was impressed with your unobtrusive
yet dramatic presence. Sort of like the John 3:16 sign seen at professional
football games. Here I am. I'll be following the site. More later. JA. I really hope Jeremy gets better. Sometimes I think I may be crazy also. I
made a suicide attempt and miraculously survived. Sometimes I think I should
be in a mental institution. Most people who do not know me very well think
I am quite normal. They think that I am extremely happy with no problems. Of
course, that is not the case. I just don't know what to do. I really hope Jeremy
gets well and the he gets released from the mental institution soon. As long
as he admits he had a problem and asks for help, there is much hope for him.
Hopefully, Jeremy will get better and lead a normal life with a bright future. I've never been to your site before, but i'm glad i stumbled upon it. I feel
for Jeremy like you wouldn't beleive. I'm a manic-depressive teen with a hell
of a lot of problems...i know why he tried to kill himself...trust me i do.
and in all honesty, im sorry he failed. because now he has to live a major
part off his life cooped up in a hospital. god i wish he had succeeded in his
suicide. I really do...because that seems to be the only way out of life at
this point. I might sound morbid...but i dont mean to be...im being honest...i
wish i could meet Jeremy so badly, cuz i can relate to him...although i dont
know him at all...i dunno...good luck tho..and get him out of there...dont
people realize it'll just make him want to die even more? Wow. I just popped back here to check the updates and see you have the E-book
going. Good work guys! I am anxiously awaiting the novel in April. I will continue
to support you and your mission. Jeremy is lucky to have such a wonderful support
system. It is trying at times for you but know that there are several other
people that can identify with you and with Jeremy. That is why sites like this
are important. Keep up the Good work guys. Please email me the password to
Jubilee.. Thanks My son has been experiencing feelings of depression and peculiar symptoms.
No one seems to know what to do for him or believe he is sincere when he experiences
episodes of: feeling like he responsible for bringing everyones mood down feels
like he can't stay focused feel like he is useless to life feels like he can't
communicate with people who are "normal" feels like he has supernatural
powers that can help others sometimes feels like half the inside of his brain
is missing vulnerable to drugs and alcohol Counselors don't seem to help Should
he be on Lithium or Prozac both He is on herbs now What is Jeremy taking and
do any of them make a difference? What are you young healthy men on? Are there
any 20 year olds who have found success with this problem? My son has been experiencing feelings of depression and peculiar symptoms.
No one seems to know what to do for him or believe he is sincere when he experiences
episodes of: feeling like he responsible for bringing everyones mood down feels
like he can't stay focused feel like he is useless to life feels like he can't
communicate with people who are "normal" feels like he has supernatural
powers that can help others sometimes feels like half the inside of his brain
is missing vulnerable to drugs and alcohol IF THIS IS TRUE THEN I FEEL FOR JEREMY. PEOPLE WITH A MENTAL ILLNESS SHOULD
BE LOOKED AT AS HAVING SOME SORT OF INSIGHT. IT IS A GIFT GIVEN THAT ONLY THAT
PERSON KNOWS AND UNDERSTANDS. WHEN THEY FAIL TO ACCEPT IT OR TRY TO UNDERSTAND
IT THEN THE SO CALLED ILLNESS TAKES OVER. PEOPLE WITH MENTAL ILLNESSES THAT
ACCEPT AND UNDERSTAND IT (THEMSELVES) ARE MORE INTUNED WITH THEIR INNER SPIRIT
THAN MOST OTHERS. I AM GREATFUL FOR HAVING BI POLAR I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON
THAT SOMETIMES OTHERS SCARE ME. I hope you accomplish everything you plan to with this website, it is really
good. My heart goes out to you, Jeremy. Jeremy: You are tha man. What is the color of the sky in your world? You have
my vote!!! I hope you are strong enough to last through this BULLSHIT and be
the man you think you are. WAKE UP AND SMELL THE COFFEE. Whaaaats Uppppp !!! We met Uncle Sam and Al Gore in West Palm Beach last night.
Those guys are awesome !!!! Mental illness, we all have it. Keep rockin guys.
See ya at the next National Crisis. This site is awsome! It's exactly what I was looking for, someone who feels
like me. I'm trying not to commit suicide every day, and this was just what
I needed to keep going for today. Thanks. Well, I can say one thing... Standing behind a Dutch newsreader advertising
your site, THAT's Mental Illness, hahaha! I was diagnosed with manic depression at seventeen. But be for that i was
in out of hosiptals from the age of fourteen till i was nineteen. you people
that are making big jokes about this serious issue need to get a life and find
something better to do then make fun of someone elses misfortunes. you people
don't know how hard it is everyday for someone with a mental illness to survive
in this world because of what society thinks of mental illnesses. living everyday
is a job for me and trying to keep my illness under control is hard. there
are days when i really don't want to fight anymore but i do. to the people
who put this site here i want to you to tell your firend that he does not live
in this world alone and is not fighting the battle alone. let him know that
there is many of us out here living our lives very normal and fighting for
the unjust attitudes towards us. i always felt alone in this world and that
my illness was just me alone and crazy people but now i know that it is every
where and many people suffer from it. so i send my love to him and my prays
and my strength to help him. Hey Guys: Saw your Sign in German Television. Hi, Why do you advertise this website on Dutch television? Yep, we saw you
live from West Palm Beach... gtx, Johan GREAT SOUND TRACK MATERIAL USA - Tuesday, November 14, 2000 at 17:58:38 (EST) Hmmmmmmm...... Looks like most people learned of this site via the election.
Mental illness should not be considered a serious problem. & locking someone
in an asylum is not the solution. Neither is all this crazy medication they
have these days. My mother is also a victim of mental illness. Everything happenes
for a reason & mental illness is happening to people for a reason. Maybe
Mentally Ill people know something that " NORMAL " people couldn't
even possiby comprehend! BLAIR WITCH-type of PROJECT in the making. (nice) Fuck, I hope Al doesn't
find out about my illegitimate child, JEREMY. This website says nothing about this "Jeremy" person. In my opinion,
it's just a way to sell e-books. Good job guys, I'm sure you will get very
wealthy. I really don't care bout your comments.But y'all are very smart by using all
this about the elections to get your site some hits. People need to be held accountable,not objects.Fear of inanimate objects is
mental illness. Yesterday I saw a guy on TV with a black curly wig holding a sign about this
site. It was here on the the national Flemish (Belgian) TV, in a piece about
the voting in Florida. I would hope suicide would not be an option for any one. As for me let me
tell you about my experince with suicide My ex husband is an alcoholic and
was before we got married, it runs in his family.He tried to OD on anti-depessants
and I called posion contol. they told me to get him to a hospital ASAP.I picked
him up,physically, and put him and our two children in the car drove 80 mph
to the ER. to make a long story short, he lived. He refused to get help,and
three miserible years later,I met a normal man and left my ex.To this day I
never have recieved a thank you for saving his sorry ass and he is so self
centerd that he has nothing to do with our children.I've been told they are
better off without him,but tell that to a 8 and 12 year old kid. where am I
going with this? I won't write something that may come back to haunt me BUT
It's a shame that some people can screw up like that. Now I'm left trying to
explain to two innocent kids why their father ignores them and why he would
try to kill himself.DO I regret saving him? sometimes I do. He told me once
he wished he would have succeeded. Me too.He should have gotten help for his
addiction, we would still have a family.too bad for the innocent children that
deal with the effects of chemical dependance and mental illnes. I feel sympathy for anyone in a condition that is caused by actions other
than of their own making. Maybe you folks should read some Voltaire, Kerouac
or Mailer. Same message...better form. you guys should put a spell check on your website....the guys with the glasses,
probably one of the best advertising ploys i have seen in a while. nice job.
hope you sell a lot of whatever you want to sell. This is the biggest waste of technology I`ve seen,to date. Everyone will be
a minute dumber for every minute spent here. Jeremy isn`t the only one mental
if you think the "must says" are any deeper than fortune cookie philosophy! Jeremy......I can feel you.....you...and.....your pain. Hello.......the black
vacuum is endless....I am.....alone. Sometime I wish I.....turkey tits......could
go......monkey balls......home and just rest.....oops....sorry about the terets
syndrom.....FUCK! If only.....if only.....if only I could lick my own balls......then
I wouldn't have to be in here leaving these messages. The voices.....can you
hear them.....SHUTUP!.....no you SHUTUP!.....no you SHUTUP! Hey, you, freak
on tv today with the sunglasses and wig....your another Democrap, aren't you? Some of you are missing what this site is. jeremy has asked his friends to
spread his words and knowlege to people outside. Not so that people can say
depression and mental illness is a terrible thing. Not so that people can say
jeremy needs to find jesus christ. But so that people will question their lives.
People need to step back and look at their lives and figure out what it is
they are doing. jeremy has tapped in to something that has given him great
insight. Maybe that thing is a clear mind, unclouded by stresses and distractions
of every day life. Try it yourself. Sit and meditate. Clear your mind of all
thought. And then think. See what flows through you. And to anyone who is considering
suicide, don't let this society defeat you. Stay strong. This world needs you.
The pain and suffering you are enduring is making you a stronger person. And
we need strong people. peace I am glad to see so many people on this website. Depression is very seldom
talked about. I suffered from it many times during my adolescence. I am over
it today courtesy of the Lord. Having faith that everything has a purpose and
a meaning and a good ending makes a huge difference. You can search high and
low, you can go through many self- help junk and a thousand alternative ideals,
but God is the only one who can deliver you out. Today I am still faced with
a lot of junk in my life, but I know it is to make me stronger. It is a test,
who wins? Who ever we allow to win, we can give in or fight for life.Just hang
in there, even when that is all you can do. You will be the winner in the end,
rather than the end of a potential winner. I also saw the guy on TV and it's intriguing how many people you can reach
that way. Any way, I work in the mental health system and I understand your
frustration, but I would urge you to consider that maybe your friend is safer
in a secure environment than out on his own. He has already tried to end his
life once, and while he should not be considered a criminal, he well could
be a danger to himself. As far as a cure for mental illness, there are some
very good treatments, but often when dealing with the brain there is no cure
in the near future. Good luck to you and your friend. God Bless I was watching the presidential deadlock elections on tv earlier and I saw
the guy with the wig and the sunglasses holding the sign with this website
on it, so I thought I would check it out. I agree with your cause and I believe
as you do, that mental illness is not a crime. Mental illness is a disease
and like all other diseases, it needs to be cured. I think that Jeremy needs
help, but not to be locked up. This kind of treatment can end up causing more
damage than good. I am reaching out to Jeremy with all my heart because I too
have been there. I am very interested in your cause and would like to know
more. I am also requesting the password for " the jubilee". I wish
Jeremy all the best. I too just saw saw the wacky person with the sign which led me to this website.
I just have to tell all the kids who posted the previous messages to find something
in life you enjoy doing and do it. The teenage years are the hardest to get
through emotionally. I could tell you that that is not what life is all about.
But when your only 12 or 16 or 17, that is your whole life at that time. You
don't have mortgages to worry about or anything else to keep your mind off
of other people in your life who bring you down. Something terrible is going
on right now to the young people, I don't know, just hang in there please.
Get a puppy or something to make you happy. (I'm 31 by the way). to all of you coming to this site who are ready to let go and see no reason
to go on...if there is even one person in your life that you love or who loves
you, there is a reason to go on. stop and think what it would do to the people
you love. it would DESTROY their lives, DESTROY their memories of you, DESTROY
every good thing in their world. the best friend i've ever had in my life killed
himself nearly three years ago. he left so much more than grief behind and
i know that i'll never be the same...i've been where you are, i've dealt with
depression for most of my life and i've got the scars to prove it...but the
worst, deepest most horribly painful scar i have, the one that will never heal,
is the one no one sees...the one M. left the day he left us. I was flipping through channels and I saw the guy holding the sign behind
the reporter in Florida. Now I am stunned. That I could come across this at
this time in my life. Yesterday, I was referred to a psychiartrist and neurologist
because of my depression. I've just moved off to college and all the changes
were just too over-whelming. I am just amazed that I ran across this today.
Thank you, whoever you are, who held that sign up in Florida. I saw that fruitcake holding the sign. What a disgrace. Probably one of the
morons who couldn't read the ballot. Jeremy should have shot the moron holding
the sign. This site is stupid and a waste of good webspace. Hi, I too saw the guy on FOX news holding up the sign and thought i'd check
out this sight. As a believer in Christ as others have commented on, I can
say that at one time in my life I was depressed and wanted to commit suicide.
But, someone came into my life and shared Christ and now I live my life for
Him. Please turn to Jesus, He loves you very much, I will pray for those who
suffer. You guys are freaks! I saw that fruitcake looking dude holding up a sign for
this site on CNN while the reporter was talking. Dude, you need to get a grip
and dress like a human, not a freakazoid! As for your little insane buddy,
he's where he belongs bc he obviously is a danger to himself and others. BTW, REVOTE! For Jeremy! I saw a guy on CNN at the Palm Beach County courthouse right behind the CNN
broadcaster. This guy was wearing dark glasses and a wig. He was holding a
sign that read, "www.jeremysprophecy.com". Is this Jeremy? I also saw your sign on CNN and had to look out of curiousity. I think I would
vote for Jeremy at this point. ;) i seen a guy holding a sign up that said jeremys prophecy on cnn today when
they were dicussing who will be president so i decided to look i think it is
a good thing you are doing for your friend i'm sure he appreciates it. I am 16 years old and I have tried to kill myself 6 times. Mostly from overdose,
like Jeremy. I failed every single time, and I lived in mental hospitals for
about 2 years. I know what it's like to be locked up. This Jeremy, this is not in any sense pulling myself away from the issue,
needs a relationship with Christ. Not a knowledge of God, not even a Knowledge
of Christ becoming man dwelling among humanity and the dieing for us all, but
a personal one on one relationship with Jesus Christ through the Holy Spirit
that dwells within the believer. I will be praying for all that have written
in but mostly you need to pray for each other and for me. Yes life is lonely
at times and we just need a friend and if we all, who are believers, give ourselves
to each other as Christ gave himself for us, we will see the hope that is intrinscally
a part of this life and the life to come. Pray for me as I pray for you. never in my life have i been so tuched. Its like jermey speaks words that
i wouldn't dare let leave my soul. where can I meet him, how can I tuch him?
he has already tuched me in places i once thought were reserved for my dads
second cousin, Jeb. Have you seen this novel they wrote? If anybody wants to talk about it email
me. I started feeing this way when i was 12 I can explian what i feel but its
a hate full feeling. I try to kill my self alot of times but i never went to
the hospital, one time i almost cute myself in fornt of me. I never told my
mom how i feel i am in a good house hold. but there is something that about
me that i my mom wont like and it to hard to tell someone how u feel. i am
afride if i get so unhappy that i will really kill myself. I know that my famliy
will be upset and some of my class. know i am 13 and i have no reason to live
in my life....it's hard to live every day with with a rude and hurtful life.
A.k MI This website is really good i think that you guys are doing a great thing,
and i need help really badly. I keep on going to these websites, they tell
me the symptoms of depression, and i realized that thats why im like this.
Im not a pessimist (or however you spell it) im just fucked up and i hate my
life so much. i cant get out of bed, im a freshman in high school, 14 years
old, theres somethign wrong with me. I tried to kill myself two summers ago.
i think i was 12 or 13. It used to scare me to think about how i could be dead
right now, and its like some of my friends are there for me, every now and
then. But then they get tired of it. They get a boyfriend or a girlfriend,
they have their own problems. And i dont even want to get better. Sometimes
i wish i would just keep getting worse until i actually end up doing it. Come
to think of it, i wish that right this second. I've gone beyhond just the typical
nutty teenager in america, "life sucks" for all the people in my
high school, of course, but for me, ive gone beyhond the feeling that i hate
life, i just want to get out of this. I hate it. I hope that someone out there
understands and won't email me (if they read this and decide im worthy) and
try to fix me. I just want someone to listen i wish i could complain without
sounding preachy i wish i could just let someone know how i feel inside, really.
thanks for this site. To all of you that feel like me too, i love you. Help
me please -jess Hi, I am glad to know that I'm not the only one that feels alone. It seems
like there is no one in this world that cares about me. I look around and see
other people with friends, boyfriends or husbands and wonder what is so wrong
with me that no one likes me or cares about me. It makes me wonder if I am
a horrible person and I'm the only one that doesn't see it? I am 31 years old
and a little over 4 months pregnant. I haven't seen the guy that got me pregnant
since he got me pregnant. He knows that I'm pregnant and has never asked if
I'm alright or if the pregnancy is progressing, the only thing he cares about
is trying to get out of paying child support. I know that no one cares but
it just felt good to say it. If anyone that reads this has ever experienced
anything that I have, let me know. Obviously, you people who don't understand this website don't have depression.
You don't know what it feels like to live with this. And it is NOT a problem,
it is an illness. I am 38 years old and should probably be able to help someone with words of
wisdom, but the only one who can really help is God. Pray and trust, He loves
you. Although you can't always feel Him, He is there and loves each of us. hi my name is TJ and i have been thinking about sucide all week cause y life
is starting to seriously fall apert, im looking for the easiest way out, i
can take pain so its no problem to cut myself, but that would be to easy, i
dont do easy things. The girl im in love with doesnt love me back, my freinds
arent really freinds any more, and the only people i care about seem so far
away. I am 27. I have suffered from depression since the age of 9. Recently, I was
almost driven to suicide by the incompetence and cruelty of a doctor who tried
to have me committed. People fear what they do not understand. If she had succeeded
in "helping" me, I would be dead now. I forgot to put my age to let you know that anyone can suffer from depression.
I'm only 20 and been suffering from depression since I was 11. I have thought about suicide and if it wasn't for my friends pointing out
to me that I have a problem I would probably be dead right now. I was as low
as anyone could get and even tried to kill myself a few times. I'm getting
help now. I started taking Zoloft and that didn't work and now I'm on Prozac.
I'm not going to talk you out of doing something to yourself, but I will tell
you that no matter how bad it gets it always get better and get help if you
need it. my name is also jeremy i am dyslexic and manic depressant i have never attempted
suicide but i do consume alot of painkillers and alcohol and nerve medicine
, probably enough to kill your average bear , but i really dont care if i wake
up tomorrow , if i dont i hope i go to heaven , its not my fault. Well I have to admit I am currently wondering if I should do what Jeremy has
so attempted. So far I can find no reason not to. The only difference me and
Jeremy would share is that if I were to attempt suicide I would succeed. If
you have any thoughts to share with me I could more then use them right now. it seems that your friend was psychotic, at that time...it doesnt impress
me as long as its a commercial website luka §you will rest in my piece§ I wonder how many people named Jeremy find themselves staring down the steap
incline of a building searching for a reason not too ........... Jeremey's aphorisms cannot be mistaken to be prophecy. Neither can esoteric
language be taken to prove genius. Bathing in depression is characterized by
this two egocentric traits. I seek not to criticize, just enlighten future
readers of a commonly employed coping mechanism. My findings are not from a
subjective vantage point, but from the likes of an objective observer. I would like to give props to the people who use this website as a means to
cope with their problems. Never give up hope, there is always something or
someone worth living for. Thanks. With so much bullshit on the Internet, it's nice to see some real substance
here. This entire site is curious. I can't put my finger on what it is. I'm
downloading that novel--what the hell. I'll let you know how it is! I want
to say to you guys that this site is damn cool. F---in out there! Hey! It's me Carrie again. I wrote in here quite a while ago. After that i
have gotten alot of emails. Some supporting me and some questioning everything
I said becuz they didnt understand it, and tellin me to suck it im.. im too
young so move on with me life! But nothin's really helped since. I have like
3 psychs now. It seems none of them help.. And ive been put on meds! Ive switched
twice now. I dont know why bother with meds when i have no faith in them at
all! No one in my house understands anything im goin through! I jus get yelled
at by my parents becuz of it! I come from a fine family i have no reason to
be like this! They jus dont understand! And they keep gettin worse and worse!
It feels I am the only one in the city/state that is like this. Often I am
thinkin bout suicide, but then I will think bout hurtin others by doin that.
But i do now think that they will be fine! But now i have also been talkin
about runnin away wit my other friend! Maybe it will give me a chance to start
over, or maybe it will make everythn worse! i dunno yet! But the risk of tryin
excites me! I want to do it, but somethin's stoppin me. i still have 2 weeks
left to decide. I dunno what im gunna do. but until then. I'll be mixed up..
jus as bad as before if not worse! Ill jus keep puttin fake smiles on for everyone
and live a pointless life like always. Well i still need to thank this page
cuz it still helps me more than anythin else! so thnx!! and keep it up! I'm not going to say how much my life sucks or anything, but I understand
why people kill themselves and why they go off the deep end. I have wanted
to kill myself for 3 yrs. now and never had the balls. Alot of dry cleaning
invovled. Every day is an overcast day. All I can say is keep it up. Don't let ANYTHING hold you guys back because
as we all can see you are doing a really good thing. Hi, this is Lilly again. I worte a while back and a couple people wrote to
me telling me to e strong and trying to get over the things that I was going
through. I've noticed that it hasn't really helped much. For me it just seems
like things have gotten worse. I could usually always put on a fake smile and
go through life like nothing was wrong, and now all of a sudden it's like everything
is just creeping up on me. I can't deal with this stuff, it's too much, and
although I've tried getting help, that hasn't worked either. If anyone knows
of anything I can do before i break down, please let me know. The other day
at school I was sitting in class and for no reason at all, I just started to
cry, it lasted for 2 and half hours. The thing was that I didn't know why I
was even crying. I just was, and I couldn' stop myself. I felt so stupid, I
hate being weak, and yet every time I try to be strong, it doesn't work. I
don't know what to do. I held a knife to my wrist last nite, but I couldn't
bring myself to do it. Once again the weakness took over me. I know I could
have done it, but it was just that I kept thinking of how it would affect everyone
but myself. I wish I could talk to the guy who said that suicide is selfish.
I want him to know that it's a lot harder for us to make the choice of doing
something to ourselves, than everyone thinks. It hurts us as much as it hurts
them, so we're not being selfish because we share the pain. lonely thoughts drift along down a night time dream. to the few who take this
song and enjoy it while they sleep. may nightingals and whispering tales float
about your beds. and all the thoughts of death and loss meander from your heads.
and during all your lovely slumber and quiet sleep. a wonderous day awaits
the break to complete your wholesome dream. It is only when two minds connect that understanding can take place. It was
interesting to read Jeremy's thoughts, and have the feeling of lonliness disappear.
Finally I found someone to relate to, someone whos views parallel my own, someone
who is real and understands the unexplainable. Thank you for doing a wonderful service for all of us depressed people. You
have given us hope. I sometimes think of ending it all and then I think I can
win this over.Thank you for giving me hope. Hi, This is my first time here. I'm 32 married and I have a 7 month old son.
I have been on a rollercoaster with depression for a good 8 years. Sometimes
I wonder If The ride will ever stop. When I feel happy I wonder how could I
ever have been depressed. Well recently depression has snuck up on be AGAIN.
I have tried evrything. Even joined support groups but nothing seems to help.
I just want to be happy and stay happy like other so called "Normal people".
I'm trying a new medicine. Hopefully this will be the one I can stay on for
good. I could use a friend. Please e-mail with any advice or suggestions. Thanks,
Michelle first I would like to say to all the people in here is First and fore most
stop pitting yourselves. And I dont mean to sound harsh. The more you wallow
the harder it is to be happy. Maybe some of us are alone without a spouse and
feel lonely, maybe some of us cant find jobs and have froends 90 million miles
away , but there is a solution to all of this..if it's not coming to you go
out and get it. As for the woman who wants to go out but is tired of the same
old scene, go out alone, being alone is scary because your with you and all
your thoughts, but being alone and learning about YOU is the best gift anyone
could give you. Because I bet if you were still with one of these men you'd
be complaining that you never got to know the real you. SO my best advice would
be to be greatful that you are still alive and you have three wonderful children
and for the most part if you show them that you are a caring mother and that
you are always there for them thats the reflection you will have on them. As
for the 19 yr old, I say your to young to have your own apartment anyway, Ithink
you should enroll in college and stop being a coward. Life is scary but you
got to grab it by the ears and tackle that sucker! Life is a challenge and
just that..accept it and like it. There really isnt any sense to be sad over
things that are out of your hands and out of your reach to change. The only
thing you can change is you and yor future. You cant change the past, its always
going to be there but shit happens and we all have to learn in our own way
how to let it go. I didn't mean to sound hasty its just so sad to watch you
all be down on yourelves when there is so much out there to be happy for. I
am here if you need to vent Meliss I have read some of the stories and the one that touched me the most was the
mother who lost her child. i wanted to cry when I read it. I myself suffer
from depression I have tried suicide twice but, I don't know if I really would
have wanted to leave this world. My life growing up was confusing and I lost
one of my parents when I was young. I was abused also at a young age and this
still haunts me. I am a mother of three and would never want to leave my children
I raise them myself and whithout me they would have no one. After I had my
third child the depression hit hard and I was chlostrophobic,lonley,anxiety,depression
I has a csecton and no one to help me. I loved the baby's father but he did
not want a relationship with me he just wanted to use me. He is a good father
to our child but he has left me feeling very sad. I took that hard also my
other two children don't have a father that cares for them he doesn't even
acknowlede their birthdays. So I am left doing this all myself. I wish this
deoression would just go away sometimes I feel it just takes over my whole
body and it will never go away. I look around at other people and think why
can't I be like them happy in a loving relationship. I see a couple holding
each other and they look so in love that it hurts me. It seems that I make
akk the wrong choices in choosing a man for me and I don't want this to rub
off on my children because I am their role model I don't want the life I had
repeated with them. There are dauys when I just cry really hard and have no
one to talk to. i feel very lonley and sad. I want to be the way I was before
happy, fun. I don't even go out anymore with my friends because I am tierd
of the same old seens. Before I never read much of the bible but, I read the
gospel of St. John and it made me see things differently it was different because
I never thought I would start reading the bible more. I know this is a long
story but, I am depressed and know one knows how I feel unless they walked
a mile in my shoes. I had those feelings of suicide. I just want to be happy.
Jeremy is fortunate he has friends like you to relay what depression is like.
When you are in a major depression the world seems different its like you are
outside looking in and no one knows or understads how you feel. My firt inpatient
was so scary I thought I don't belong here around all these crazy people I
don't want to go to groups what would I get out of it. That was my first time
my secound I gave it a chance and I never thought I would get a chance to speak
and I finally did in a group therapy session and I let it all out. What made
me feel a little better was knowing that other people had the same feelings
and emotions I did they even had more things that were worse than mine and
even though they were also depressed they supported me because they were the
ones with me looking out when no one uunderstands. I hope someone will benefit
from my story I look back and think how stupid this all was. I will try to
go on at least for my children and you can tell Jeremy that he is not alone
there are thousand of people out there with depression and other symtoms connecting
to depression. I think jeremy will come around and make his self strong againPlease
respond for I could use all the support I can get especially know when I am
at my lowest state. Thank you for letting me express my story This week I had
alot of confrontations with my babys father that set me back, I had a mini
stroke and my grandfather that lives I'm only 19, & I just hate life most of the time. It's just too hard.
I just feel sooo old, I've always felt old, even my numerology says I'm an
old soul, & that my life is basically gonna suux till i'm like 40 or 50
or something. I don't wanna wait that long for life to start gettin better.
I don't know if I'd be ale to take another 20 - 30yrs of almost everything
in my life really suckin. i'm 19, still live with my parents, no job & seem
un able to find a job, failed yr 12 cauuse i was too slack in '98 at 17, the
only 2 friends i got live to far away to visit more than every few years, one
of them though i've know 3 1/2yrs & he lives 2 far away to ever visit over
in america, i've got no real friends here to hang ouut with, cauuse i've always
been a loner / social outcast & don't know why. I feel like I'm invisible
to everyone around me, unless i scream & shout, & then i'm told to
shut up, or that I don't need to yell to be heard, even though no-one hears
/ listens unless i do yell. I've wanted to suicide so many times, buut have
always been to scared to try, that & the fact that I dn't want my parents & 2
best friends who i rarely / never see to hurt so bad again, like family has
when other family members have died. I hate tafe. My life is home, sleep, tv,
net, tafe. there's no spark in my life. I need a spark an adrenaline ruush
in my life to feel life is worth living. I don't know who I am anymore, what
I really like, or what I really want from life. ijust feel dead most of the
time, no energy, no spark, & just emptiness, nothing to look forward to.
sometimes i just cry uncontrollably when no-one's around. something that does
help a bit though is writing poetry, or journaling, especially if you feel
youu can't tell anyone how you feel, juust let it all out into a jouurnal or
through poetry, or art or someother form of creative expression. it really
honestly does help, cauuse it helps you to explore youself and find out why
youu feel like youu do. also watchin shows like oprah, especially when people
like gary zukov or dr phil is on really helps too. gary's books - sol stories & also
seed of the soul are good books to read to help change yor life for the better,
and any other books to help discover yourself are good to read. www.oprah.com
is a good site to visit to, cauuse it has lots of helpfull information & chat
like discuussion boards to help eathother too, as well as an online journal
that is jst really helpful. it has good advice from different people abouut
different things, and ways of going abouut improving yourself, youur life,
and ways to minimise the effects of depression. after 2 years or so i'm still
working at improving myself, buut lost it for 1 - 1/2years, & am now trying
to regain who i am trying to keep myself from fallin back into the worst depression
i ever had which happened at me last 3weeks of year 12, where I was unable
to even get out of bed or stop crying for most of those 3 weeks. i hope i never
get that bad again. i've suffered many more depression since then over the
past near 2 years, bt thankfully i've still been able to walk around most of
the time, even though it was uncontrollable crying for like 2mths straight & sometimes
even now. but journalin & poetry really helps me heaps when i like that
now, cause it's juust a good release, and you have to release in some form.
i've even put most of my poems on my website, most of them being written while
i've been depressed or crying from depression. if anyone wants to read any
of them to see if it replicates your views of the world just ask me. If anyone
just needs an ear to listen, then email me too, cause i'm better at giving
advice than i am at taking it. & we can try & sort through & help
eachother with our problems / feelings about life & the world together. This is the first time I have been to this site and I am hoping that there
is someone out there who understands the feelings that I am having. I am a
27 year old mother of a beautiful 5 year old daughter. Three years ago my three
month old second daughter died from SIDS. Since this time I have been an emotional
wreck. I am sick all the time and i have done the meds and the counseling,
but I have not continued either one. I feel so empty and alone. I do not have
the support that most people have. everyone thinks that since it has been three
years i should be over it by now. Losing my daughter has changed my life in
the most profound way and I do not like the person i have become. I have hit
the bottom and I do not know how to get up. My 5 year old thinks it is normal
for Mommy to be sick and not want to play. This hurts me more than anything
in the world. I do not want to pass any of my terrible habits onto her, but
i do not know how to begin to change. I am hoping that talking to other people
who suffer from depression or something similar will at least be a beginning. Well I have been thinking and have come to the conclusion that everyone should
try to look at one positive thing in their life eachday. I think it is also
impotant to look at yourself in the mirror everyday and say hi and that you
love yourself. We dont know what our purpose and thats why we are living to
figure it out. Please try to stay strong, I know it is hard especially when
you feel overwhelmed and filled with saddness. If you do at least one thing
a day that makes you happy it may affect the way you feel about life and yourself.
Its so easy to become negative when everything around you is negative. its
on tv, the newspapers, movies, books, etc.. If you beat that and make yourself
realize to appreciate the world around you, I truly believe that it will enable
you to be a better person. We are all young and have such a long trying and
exciting road ahead of all of us. Outsiders will never understand just how
deep your pain goes, but you do, and you most of all are the ones that cam
fix it and elimiate anyone from hurting you again. There is a line we must
all draw. Its all a learning process, somethings are out of our hands, somethings
we just cant do anything about and those things need to be left in the place
where they have arisen from. I believe we are all searching for medium. Most
people feel the same I believe but are taught it is wrong to feel saddness
and its wrong to not love what is going on around them especially when the
world as a whole is in such termoil. But it isnt our fault and all we can do
is play the roll and learn our own form of happiness. Hello everyone, Ummm I don't really know where to start from. Im a 19 year
old male, but I have an emotional break down about once a week and just start
shedding tears as if a family member just died. My family has been more than
Caring and more than helpful, but I feel as if I cant be helped. I have tried
to commit suicide twice but obviously failed, was almost placed in an institution.
I told the psyciatrist what he wanted to hear, which was all lies. I find myself
longing about the past, doing the old "what if" senerio. I find myself
thinking of all the people that have gave their life to make mine better, and
all it does is depresses me more for not living up to expectations and not
earning their loss. My life has not been bad at all, I have been lucky to have
all that I do, but I cant stop feeling the way I do. This disease is eating
me up inside, and its just getting worse, I wont try suicide ever again for
my families sake, but I still keep wishing for that fatal car accident. What
is life for anyway? what will we get from it? Why would anyone care? With so
many people dieing everyday, what would another death be? To everyone that
has submitted a post here, be strong, somthing good has to happen eventually,
somthing to end this depression, you are not alone, we will overcome this. my fault people...i forgot too write my numbers so if ur gonna help...thats
my email adress..thanx alot bye hi...im alexis... i dont really no how i can explain myself...for like the
past year or even years...ive been feeling really badd and down about everything...i
dont know what though...i just cant ever be happy..its like everything around
me and what goes through my life makes me sick...i always think too myself..should
i be here...is there a purpose..i dont even know anymore...a lot of drama goes
on in my life too...i always fight with my mom we dont get along..me and my
brother barely get along cuz i can barely stand him half the time and so on..its
like if i talk too someone i really dont even know if they are gonna understand
me..especially my friends..its hard..i really cant tell people my probs..cuz
all i kno they r gonna do is feel sorry for me and i dont want that..i want
help..ive tried killing myself before but that never works...only makes it
worse..i try and hide being so upset and sad all the time by acting happy..but
im really screaming and crying inside..i dont know why..i have a lot of friends
school is good and im a athlete and all...but theres just something in my head
thats like telling me im nothing..why am i here..i should be gone..and the
scary thing is i dont even think anyone is gonna care even if i did care...will
they shed as many tears and i am now going through this pain in my bosy..ill
never know...but if anyone can help me figure out what i can do...please email
me back...thanx alot and hang in there everyone...it get better one day for
all of us...hopefully..one love muahz 2 u guys... ~*~alexis I hate my life i wih i was dead. I am 20 with 3 kids and a my fiance left
me. I am terribly ashamed of myself because i never wanted these chidren. I
want to die. Any advice on how to do it? I am actually kind of relieved that there is such a site as this one. I stumbled
upon on the hopes of identifying whatever it is I am facing inside. I feel
terribly lost inside. I am 22 and I feel like I have know direction. I want
things for myself but I just dont have the confidence to achieve them. I am
self destructive and feel that if I am happy for even a moment that it will
be taken away some how. I continue to live in this dark space and my family
and fiance think I am wacked cause I am constantly moody. Its recentyl become
a little worse. I trample on everything and I feel like I will never be able
to hold onto any sort of happiness. I have tried to kill myself twice but nobody
ever found out. I feel like my soul is begging me to end this sorry ass life
of mine but I just dont have the guts to try it again. I feel misunderstood
and alone. I have know idead of how to make this stop. I have tried journals
and i have tried counseling but right away I was judged and told I needed medication.
Somedays I wish i could just crawl up in a ball and stay like that forever.
Something inside keeps me going so I guess something good will come out of
all this. I just want to feel normal whatever normal feels like. I mean, know
one is meant to be happy all of the time..but neither should they be sad and
uncomfortable with themselves every waking moment. Everyday I wake up worried
and confused and scared. I cant understand why I feel this way. I have many
reasons why I should be happy, but whenever I smile someone always seems to
hurt me or something will always arise out of the blue to kick me of teh pedastool
i once so ever rarely put myself on. If anyone can relate please email me.
I sometimes wonder if I have a mental disorder. ok so well i got a few things from my recent comment about myself worring
about my best friend. (laditzy) and well quite frankly i feel as if perhaps
i should have done that at all. perhaps al we need are our friend ship (let
alone our understanding of each other) to keep on going..as far as i no we
have a small group of a few odd people whome just dont have exsuses to keep
it up ne more..so were here for each other to keep outselves going. mabe others
should try that as well..it seems to me like some good advise. and also i have
noticed that reading these comments have mabe your life brighter by helpnig
these people....just a thought from a person who understands... sincerely..
meg i may sound like a sob storie but the truth is that i think im losing my mind
and im on the verge of collapse. the only joy left in my life was to go out
and get stoned with my friends but that came to an end, by way of the police
figuring out that im a drug dealer so i chose to go clean.its bad enough im
goin nuts i dont need to get arrested to top it off.im 17 i live in a small
ass town full of old people and cops with ten foot sticks up thier asses wich
in turn gives them the right to harass all the local kids and there is something
just not cosher about this.i no longer have friends that i can trust and im
so paranoid that my g-friend is cheating on me that i cant even have a good
relationship with her but even still i go through each day hoping that it will
all get better soon.over the past 4 years ive tried to convince myself that
suicide is the key to my happiness but i cant ever bring my self to do it i
always talk myself out of it.i dont expect any one to respond to this because
its pathetic but if anyone reads this and can relate in any way please e-mail
me i need closure and even if you dont i love to try and help others with thier
problems so im not usually on but if i am ill be sure to try and help anyway
i can.......peace out (aka) hack masta flex always listening john....B^) I AM A DEPRESSED TEENAGER.IN THE PAST YEAR I HAVE HAD SURGERY ,AND 3 DEATHS
ONE BEING MY BROTHER OF WHOM I WAS QUITE CLOSE TOO.ME AND MY FIANCE BROKE UP
NOW I AM PREGNANT WITH A GUY'S BABY THAT WANTS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME I HAVE
CUT MY WRISTS AND TOOK SEVERAL PILLS I NO LONGER WANT TO LIVE AND NO ONE HAS
HELPED ME YET . THANKS FOR TAKING THE TIME TO READ. BYE ,MEGAN Hi, my name is Stacy and i am 30 years old and I have been depressed all my
life. As long as I can remember I have been so sad. When I was in high school
I tried to take my own life several times by slitting my wrists or trying to
take to many pills... For awhile I was fine and then my life turned upside
down when at the age of 24 I became a single mom. I haven't been able to be
happy for a long time but I always put of a happy front so my child and my
family will not see how I feel. I know that I shouldn't feel soooooooooooo
depressed because my life is finally back on track but you know what I am still
really depressed. Sometimes I wish that I could start life all over again and
be a happy person but that will never happen so what do i do. I have been in
counseling so many times I have lost count and I have just started back up.
What do i do. Life is so mean at times and you know what people are even meaner
than life itself. At least we can sometimes deal with life and what it has
to dish us. But people are cruel and ugly about things and you cannot escape
them especially when they are your family... Well thanks for letting me bend
your ear. At least I now know that I am not alone in this vast world and that
I am not crazy to think I am the only one who feels this way... I don't understand why i feel like i do, and that frightens me, but i dont
really have a reason to feel any negative way about my life. I'm the type of
girl who seems to have everything i could ever want. I'm generally considered
to be a good person all around, my parents are well-off, i make good grades,
i have lots of friends, but i dont have anything. More than anything, my life
bores me. Thats all, i know it sounds snobbish and selfish, but thats my only
problem i think. Also, people say suicide is selfish, is it not just as selfish
to want a person to remain alive, but unhappy, just b/c it'd hurt other people?
I think that wishing someone to remain in torment is like wishing death upon
them. Everyone who`s posted a comment seemed to have a diagnosed disorder,
or to really hate their lives with good reason, i dont really hate my life,
i dont really have a reason to hate it. I don't understand how any words, however
harsh they may be, could cause anyone THAT amount of pain. I really dont understand
any of this at all, i understand my logic, but i dont understand my feelings,
i dont understand why i have them. I'd like it very much if someone with insight
into this particular type of situation could get back to me on it. I hope the
rest of you find whatever it is you're looking for, may it be life or death. Hi, my name is Lilly, I'm 16, and I've tried to kill myself a lot of times.
I first started when I was in 7th grade. I know a lot of people think that
it's weird for someone so young to try to do that. Not many people understand.
I live in a bad environment. My parents abuse me mentally, emotionally and
physically. I'm constantly told that i'm worth nothing, and deserve nothing
from life. I have 3 scars on my wrist. they are a constant reminder of my problems.
I try to hide myself by being happy all the time, meanwhile i'm hurting so
bad on the inside. Sometimes I want to scream to the world that I'm hurting
so bad, but i'm so afraid of what people might do. Sometimes i want to drink
clorox, and other times i just want to drown myself. I started taking drugs,
but my parent's found out, and that was another bad thing. I don't know what
to do anymore, i go to sleep crying all the time. I'm so depressed. hey everyone. i never came to this site before and i read a lot of posts.
im 16 and i've been depressed for as long as i can remember, but it goes up
and down. its weird. ive learned to live with it, but lately its been hurting
so bad. its just sitting in me hurting. like a pain. but at the same time im
happy. but i really hope that you all can find a peice of happyness for yourself.
not for anyone else. just find something, try starting small. thats what i
do, i'll get a collouring book and just colour a really rainbowy brite vibrant
picture that tickles my eyes and it just maked me happy. or i just listen to
music. if nothing maked you happy, smile to yourself in the mirror. look at
your reflection smile back at you. then praise yourself, and listen to the
reflection praise you.. just a thought. i hope you all find what it is that
completes you. i really mean it. please take care. with much love and care
: cocoa HI I JUST RAN ACCROSS THIS SITE AND I THINK IT IS PRETTY COLL. i AM 20 YEARS
OLD AND I WANT TO DIE. MY LIFE SEEMS LIKE IT IS NOT WORTH LIVING. I TRY AND
THINK ABOUT WHAT I HAVE TO LIVE FOR OR WHAT MAKES ME HAPPY AND I COME UP WITH
NOTHING. i HAVE BEEN DEPRESSED FOR MOST OF MY SHORT LIFE, SO ARE THE REST OF
MY FAMILY, JUST RECENTLY MY FAMILY HAS COME TO REALIZE THIS AND THEY JUST SEEM
TO SAY WELL NOW THAT WE RECOGNIZE IT WHAT NOW? WELL IT DOENST MAKE ME FEEL
ANY BETTER, I HAVE BEEN TO SEVERAL SHRINKS AND HAVE TAKEN MANY TYPES OF MEDICATION
BUT THEY SEEM TO HAVE NO AFFECT. SOME DAYS I THINK HEY I HAVE A GOOD LIFE BUT
THEN THERE ARE TIMES (LIKE NOW) WHEN I THINK HEY I AM 20 YEARS OLD AND I AM
SITTING AT HOME DOING NOTHING ON A SATURDAY NIGHT THIS SUCKS BUT THERE IS NOTHING
I CAN DO ABOUT IT. IN MY MIND I WANT TO HAVE FUN AND BE WITH PEOPLE BUT WHEN
THE TIME COMES I FEEL SO OUT OF PLACE AND GUILTY FOR HAVING FUN THEN I AUTOMATICALLY
DONT HAVE ANY FUN. I REALLY DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO. STAY OR LEAVE? Okay. My name is Jen. I've been depressed for about 5 years. I'm 21 years
old. It all started when I was 16 and was told on a regular basis that I was
nothing, I was fat, ugly, and stupid. I was also harassed in middle school
and elementary school. I droppped out of school because I couldn't take the
ridicule anymore. Recently I moved into a new apartment. I had a job I hated
but I did it. I tried talking to my mother about it. Even told her 'I should
just kill myself already' and all she said was 'Yeah Jen, that's smart to say.'
and dismissed it. They didn't wake up to the fact that I was severly depressed
until I locked myself in the apartment, didn't answer the phone and cried for
days straight. I even told my mother I wanted to disown her and my whole family
and that I hated her. Told my sister the same thing. They woke up after that.
They realized this wasn't me. But then they dismissed it again as long as I
put on a happy face. I'm depressed every day now and I know I need help but
I can't talk to anyone. I feel ashamed to feel like this and I do just want
to end my life. I want the pain to go away. I want my depression to go away.
I feel like such a failure in my family's eyes. I have no idea what to do so
any advice will help. Just email me. Thanks so much and I know exactly what
everyone is going through. Because i've tried many times to kill myself. Slitting
my wrists, suffocating myself and pills. I don't know what to do. I'm stressed
and burned out. So please, any advice will help. Hi everybody. My name's Kerry and I'm almost 21 years old. I have known I
suffer from depression since I was 10 but no one really believed me until a
year ago during my sophomore year in college when my boyfriend and I broke
up-and I broke too. I didn't want to get out of bed anymore and one day I bought
a bottle of sleeping pills and had I not told my counselor about it I probably
would have taken them and ended it all. I went home for the semester, and then
when I came back in January everybody treated me like a freak. Old friends
who I had been close to started talking about me instead of to me. And to make
matters worse I was still depressed...my life was better but there was still
a black mist hanging over me that is still there even today. Right now my life
is better than it has been in years...I have a wonderful boyfriend who I love
very much and who I know loves me, I have some very close and supportive friends,
and I love what I'm doing. Still, even when things are great my depression
problem seems to loom over my head. My life is fine and yet I still don't want
to get out of bed in the morning. We've barely had five weeks this semester
and I've already missed the maximum amount of classes for the year. My friends
think I'm lazy or not motivated but that's far from true...I love learning,
I love college, I love life, but there is this crazy sickness inside me that
pollutes my efforts and makes doing the simplest tasks so difficult. I have
trouble even getting up for my 11am classes...I will wake up and just feel
like my body's made of lead, and for no explanation. Sometimes I think my body
and my pysche are tired of fighting the depression. I've been to a countless
number of counselors throughout the years, taken practically every pill in
the book, and still I can't quite end the depression. Right now I am tired
of drugs and I am tired of talking to counselors, I just want to make this
horrible disease go away. Today one of my English professors made an analogy
to a weed, I think I see the depression that way. I am a garden that has so
many goals, so many wants, so much passion to live and to dream, but there's
this weed call depression choking me up, and no matter how much weed killer
I spray it refuses to die. I really want to finish college and to go on to
have a career as a college professor of women's literature, but I am afraid
the depression will hold me down, that it will stop me from being the person
I want to be. I'm going to a great school now but I don't know how much longer
I can stay here before the stress of the depression makes things impossible.
There is no name for students who suffer from depression, no face, no collective
conciousness. It's a legitmate illness, but not legtimate enough to convince
my professors that I am not a lazy, bad student, rather I am a unique student
who has different needs from other students, but in this day and age there
is no recognized manner to accommodate people like myself. I am terrified I
am going to slip through the cracks. If anyone has any ideas or suggestions,
survival tips, please let me know. Hi, I am Mandy. I stumbled across this story and site while doing research
on depression. I have been debating writing a book. I am 40 years old and reading
Jeremy's words and your young stories and pleas bring back memories and make
my heart go out to all of you. I was a depressed child, teen and adult. I too
tried to commit suicide several times and I embarrassed my parents who are
part of the "don't speak, don't tell" generation. I lived, and I
learned to live with the illness as best that I could. I had a career, married
late in life and even recently had my first child. I never had luck with psychiatrists,
therapists or counselors. So many let me and us down and I did not discover
medication until I was 36 years old. It is still a struggle and it is hard
to ask for help, but the "dark thoughts" are so fewer. Jeremy's writings
remind me of a very good friend of mine who was manic depressive and had a
very bad break when I was about 20 years old. She spoke very deeply, and in
the same way. We wrote alot of her thoughts down. Because I was a depressed
person I think I understood parts of what she was trying to say when most people
were just uncomfortable around her. It was the "mania" talking trying
to communicate as best she could. My friend has been on lithium for most of
her life. She seemed almost a poet, a genius when she was sick. Make no mistake,
she was sick. Life will go on hopefully for all of you and there will be some
very good years and times for you. God Bless. Septmeber 27, 2000. This is the "ris" that Meg ( Dream00maker@aol.com) was referring
to, yes i did get really depressed, and yes, i did write a bunch of suicide
notes, i didnt actually plan on killing myself, it just made me feel a lot
better to get it all down on paper, I worry about meg too, but we both seem
to be looking at this a little differently. ok so here goes..um well i gues it was our past that brought me and my best
friend (ris) together.. we both have been a little "odd" in our school
so we banded together to be this dif. set of people. me and her both are depressed
in very dif ways. i personally am very secret about it all..neitehr of my parents
ever knew that there was something wrong and i am now going on 2 yrs of that.
risa on the other hand does not rely care who knows but does not flaunt the
cold fact that she may be suicidal. i am writting this b/c today i heard from
ehr that she was going to kill herself last night and had all of her "last
notes" in her hand . i read some of them the next day and found my self
taking it very lightly.i am worried about her but i dont tell her . but i feel
i may be running out of time for her and myself. so if there is any advise
please do tell b/c i could rely use some right about now. I understand everthing that people go through that have bipolar,I also have
it. I have had it for some time and no one recognized it neither did I. Now,
I take medication and more medication everyday. I will have to for life. Suicide
is one of my most scariest thoughts. I have a hard time dealing with it. Please
anyone with some thoughts or advice please let me know. I really appreciate
it. Man, I just cant believe this! Jeremy speaks the words that are so very true,
that I have had in my head for like a year now and have not been able to get
out. I kind of have the feel of what this is all like. I myself have attempted
suicide maybe 2 times now. I really dont know what to do with myself. I am
also a cutter. I dont know if all of you know what that is, but it is someone
who cuts them selves whenever one little thing goes wrong, and they believe
it takes the pain away. I have scars up and down my arms from this. It is horrible
lookin at my arms and remembering all the pain, and knowing the pain i still
have. I am talkin with a psychiatrist and i am also goin to the doctor, they
will prolly put me on some anti-depressant pills, but how am I to know they
will work. I have plenty of friends just like me, and they took pills for a
while and it did not work. I just dont know what to do. I just can not be happy
no matter what. I know nothin is perfect.. but i feel i have no reason to be
like this. Plus! I even know the damn cutting doesnt help me solve anything
at all. i jus cant help it, its like apart of me now, its like an addiction!Anyways
I about go to this page everyday about. I feel it helps, to know someone like
him is out there who pretty much undersetands everything and sees my side of
things. Oh, and if There is some way I can get into the Jubilee thing I'd love
to know how.. or know the password. Id be interested to see what is in there.
Thanx alot. And the best of luck and faith to jeremy and the rest of you! hi my name is kelly and im not sure what im about to tell ya'll but i need
to get this out. im not really sure whats wrong with me except for that im
deprresed and i tried killing my self a couple weeks ago. i took a bottle of
pills that i was suppose to be taking for my back. i layed in my bed after
taking them and nothing was happening. so i then got on the internet and looked
up what would happen to me if i overdosed on those pills. well come to find
out nothing. i just really sick and i was vomiting. im kinda glad that that
was the worse that happen, but im not sure if im not gonna try it again. i
know i need help....my parents now know but i dont think they actually know
how serious it is. they took me to the doctors once and they put me on these
pills that start with and (seryzone maybe not sure). but anyways i have now
stopped taking those pills. my parents havent said anything about since then.
i think they are pretty much in denial. like its not suppose to happen to me.
what i mean by that is i come from a wealthy familly, i make semmy good grades,
im on the girls varsity golf team, and i was homecoming queen this year for
my high school. so i think they think its not suppose to happen to me. i kinda
belived the same thing for a while. i really need help, i am some what proud
of my self for at least admitting that, but i know im far from getting help.
im afraid! please help! im afraid im gonna end up some were i dont wanna be
like hell ( because its against my religion to commit suicide) im not afraid
of going to a hospital, if thats what it takes to get me better then ill go.
all i want is my normal teenage life back. im normally a happy cheerful teennage
girl.i put on a front for all of my friends and family they all think everything
is peechy keen when its not. so somebody please email me back with some words
of wisdom. thank you for your time. i really appreciate it. I don't know what to say... I'm completely in awe. I don't understand how
this society can put people with such brilliant and thought provoking ideas
as Jeremy's in the place where he is today. I found truth in everything he
had to say, but I wonder, does he actually believe these things. I wish only
the best upon all of you. You are great friends and I'm sure Jeremy realizes
this too. If there is ever anything that can be done to help (Jeremy or any
of you) let me know and I'll do my best. Everyone keep on loving yourself and
your friends. here it goes and it is a long one bear with me!!!well about 6 months ago i
got into a car crash and after that i felt that it was an awakening but now
when i lay down at night i get these images in my head that i dies in the car
crash and for some reason that is the greatest thing because i am the type
of person that feels they need to please eveyone and i try to do so but there
is only a certain amount of things you can do to make another happy i get so
disgusted with myself for not being able to do so,,,and i have alot of things
that just keep on attacking me like what have i done wrong to this person why
isn't that person listening to me,,,and i cannot stand that i am 17years old
and every day i am just beat down with the comments from my parents and adolescence
of what are you gonna be in life probably nothing why can't you just get off
your ass and do something ,,we don't care about you we don't love you i'm sick
and tired of taking care of you,,you are worth nothing you will amount to nothing
...all these things that are basically tost at me are just over whelming...i
cannot to event think of how many times i have sat in my bathroom and just
had a razor blade in one hand and just thinkin of how can i make other peoples
lives better which i think it would be for me not to be here.i now that i have
found out that my father is killing himself by smoking but does he care who
he hurts UHHH NO...even though i have the thoughts of me wanting to kill myself
it makes so much sense,,,and the only thing that i know is right,i am not happy
and the most thing i want in this life is not to have one ,,and taking pills
don't work,,slitting your wrist don't work ,,drinkin just makes it worse,,standing
on a bridge at 3:30 in the morning makes you think of to much stuff that pisses
you off and ther is NO FUCKING WAY OUT!! but who gives a shit anyway ,,,i know.....no
one! umm hi. my name is cortney i am 14 years old and i almost died last wednesday.
i was wondering if anyone had advise 4 me... or they needed sum or sumthing
i can do. i took a bottle of pills after slitting my wrist trying 2 end my
pain. i layed in my bed and waited 2 die. that was the worst feeling in the
world. i just wanted 2 feel as if im not alone ne mroe so sumbody PLEASE e-mail
me back at APPLEcheeks03@aol.com. thanx Hi I just wanted to say that "insanity" is not what some people
think. our society is fucked up, there are people dying of diseases that we
have the cures for ,kids starving, wars, and people in general are just scumbags
but we're supposed to be happy about a glass being half filled. Insanity is
being able to see the truth. being unable to hide it. i don't blame your friend
for wanting to die. i know how he felt, to not want to wake up in the morning,
to sleep to pass time, to not sleep at all to avoid that whole process, to
not smile because you know how sad you are and how fake you would feel to follow
through with an act. hopefully the part of him that couldn't live with himself
did die. i hope you're friend feels better! sway I am going to be 21 on the 27th of this month. I have had a long history of
what doctors were calling A.D.D. However 4 weeks ago my psychiatrist diagnosed
me as having Bi-polar manic disorder. On a trip this summer in Californis this
summer I attempetd suicide twice. I have been experiencing the full blown adult
onset and my first deep mania this summer. I hope Jeremy every on of your prayers
is answered, I am praying for you and me bro. I am also looking for a support
group and if oyu know of one please email me, and also I am so new to my disorder
if you have any information that you think would help me please email that
as well. Thank you so much, and I am happy I ahve people who understand what
I am going through. Hell of a story; Free Jeremy!! Wow! I'm intrigued. Where can I buy the book? Look inside yourself and realize there is something very special about you
- never doubt it! Well you guys replied very quickly ... to my momemt amount feelings of lonelyness...
I am lonely and i want some one i can talk to ....I wish when i pray to god
it happens just like that... My birthday was yesterday and before that day
came i prayed to god hella times for me to be gone on that day...My prays never
came true..i think i'm going to make it come true... I've been thinking about killing myself... and it's true emotions can be hard
to figure out. I'm always feeling like theres no hope for me and my parents
are just going to be mad for no damn reason at all... when I tell people I
feel like killing my self ... I feel like there not listen or what i'm saying
means nothing to them... Oh talking about it makes me hurt inside.... Thanks
for listening ... Dee I myself know was Jeremy is going through. I have tried to kill myself many
a times, but I never succeded in doing so. I wish him and all his friends the
luck that they need to get Jeremy out of the place that he is in today. This Jeremy (does he have a girlfriend?) I found Jeremy's words to be very interesting. I wish him the best and hope
he has a full recovery. Wow... I am impressed...believe me I how much guts and how much pain it takes
to put yourselves out there like this. I have struggled too on both ends...seeing
others "lose it" and having "lost it" myself. But some
of the most well-known souls were the most tortured in their lives. Brilliance
and insanity--sometimes the lines are closer than they appear. My only hope
is no matter how deep the wounds are you will continue this site to help heal
not only Jeremy, but yourselves. You are all true friends to stick by him during
these trying times. Only in the darkest points of my life have I found my true
friends...precious and few they are. Keep up the good work humbling info?????? so, what is Sam doing these days, "professionally" while he writes
this stuff??? really enjoyed looking at the website, you did a great job! keep it up& stay
in touch. really enjoyed looking at the website, you did a great job! keep it up& stay
in touch. my wife and i just finished reading the journal and the must says found everything
very interesting i feel that the author of the journal may have problems dealing
with his own depression but is better than he realizes.......he plays frisbee
with his dog.....he watches the ducks.....and notices a child happy, playing
with a yo-yo.....SOME PEOPLE LIVE THEIR LIVES NEVER NOTICING HAPPY CHILDREN....OR
THE JOY OF PLAYING FRISBEE WITH THEIR DOG OR TAKE THE TIME JUST TO WATCH THE
DUCKS.....your descriptive writing allowed me to see through your eyes, and
feel what you were feeling......when my daughter was very young she once said
to me"EVERYONE CRIES THEIR OWN TEARS" thank you for being so honest
in your writing and allowing me into your creative world.....PEACE....BRIAN
BRODY i read the must says and i read as much as i could and tried to download the
adobe reader so i could start the book and it didnt work ...many years ago
i was diagnosed with manic depression through the years and living with this
which i prefer not to call an illness and not to label people (i realize that
everyone has some sort of organic brain dysfunction!!!) my imagination and
thought processes are just on a different level!.... (years ago they called
it marching to a different drummer :) when i stopped thinking as myself as "ill" and
just realized that i am a bit different and to go with the flow of this drum
beat i was able to function much better and accept that this is who i am and
like who i am also. days were i could not function as fully as i would have
wanted to.. i was proud of myself for what ever i did on those days i realized
that the person i was before was no longer here and accepted the new me and
realized thats fine also...i am not sugar coating this and i had some very
very hard times and consider myself a very stong person and a survivor....but
as i got older and just realized that this is who i am and learned to live
my life and not think of myself as ILL ..it got easier i would really like
to be able to read the book i am not very good with computers so if you could
please explain to me how to be able to get the adobe thanks so much.......wishing
you joy , love and laughter...nancy The "Must Says" are filled with great insight and unusual wisdom.
The brillance of the author moves us. Thank you for sharing the story with
the world. We wish you love & joy. Well done Jeremy Who the hell does this Jeremy freak think he is? Tell him to shut the f--k
up and go bother somebody else. wow- blew me away!!!! I am fascinated, keep me updated with volume 2 What a great Website. It really catches the readers attention and holds on
to him. Under what topics can a person find you if they were brousing through
topics of interest to them?I'm leaving my comments now and I'm goin back to
explore this website again.A great job!Good Luck!Cy bit me bite me Jeremy, where ever you are, my heart goes out to you. -Emily What can we do to help? I thought I was the only one. I understand Jeremy. Keep it up! Don't let them
beat you down. They're just $#@!? scared. You cannot hurt anyone. No one can hurt you. Your thoughts and perceptions
are what causes pain in your life. Open-minded people are the most joyous.... I wonder where Jeremy comes from. Does he believe what he says? I am bipolar, my son is bipolar. When he was 17 he shot himself in the mouth,
three years later physically the only defect is missing teeth. He stayed in
a mental hospital for 5 weeks.He also has had psychotic episodes, threating
people. He is doing great after 6 more visits to hospitals and rehab. I wonder
what state you are in.He takes his medication reguarly. God bless you all. |
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