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 This is what they said in 2001 . . . I'm glad to see that this site has been such a mainstay for so long. More
power to ya. i'm pretty amazed with this website and i think the book is really good.
i'd like to find other people to talk with who can relate to the book and
the website. jenn As you all read this marvelous book i found out about it just a few days
ago i suffer from a Manic Depressive Disorder too..well pieces of my life
die everyday but ive seen myself become stronger each and everyday cuz i
found my soulmate and some to love me for who iam and not be judged i can
relate to this book ive been thru the worst things i never thought would
happen to me but hey s*it happens .. I found the book at a store where I live in Portland and I am so glad
I did. This whole thing is incredible. Wow. I can only say, "The beat goes
on." Peace I think this site is great! I have been looking for someone who sees things
like i do.. i couldn't agree with Sam more in the journal... Praise JEREMY! Heather, Please tell your parents all that you can. I know this will be
hard, but they can't help you if they don't know what is going on with you.
Have you tried to get medication from your doctor for your A.D.D.? If you
could concentrate on getting your life back in order, this could help tremendously.
You sound as if you have a loving family that would work this through with
you. I don't believe your brother would stop talking to you, this is just
his way of showing his love for you. He doesn't want to see you hurting.Try
listening to "REM's" Everybody Hurts song. I think it represents what we
all need to do. I have never been a cutter, so I can't tell you what to do,
I just know that you will someday look back upon this time of your life and
see how hurtful this was.I think we all grow a little inside by going through
what we are going through. Do you have a boyfriend or girlfriend that will
support you? Can you talk to a counselor at school about this? Just talking
about this will help.I really feel for you and wish I could make it all better,
but you are the only one who can do that. I'm great at offering assistance
and advice, but if only someone would offer me the same. I know what you
mean when you say that everyday changes, one day up, next day down. It does
take a toll on a person. Hopefully someday down the line, we will be able
to say that what a waste of our lives, to be feeling this way for long,when
we can be happy all the time. Have faith in your family, they are the only
true ones in our lives that truly love us and care about us. Believe in yourself,
you are truly a beautiful person, who just needs a little support and compassion
and you'll get through this. Keep me updated on your progress. I truly do
care. Smile for me. yes my family has knowledge of this. i have been suicidal off and on again
for 3 years. last summer i went to visit my brother and he told me that i
was a pyschopath to do this to myself. he told me that if he ever heard of
me cutting myself again, that he wouldnt ever talk to me again. i know my
brother, and i know that he is not joking. my family does care obviously,
and i know they do, but i am stranded because i cant tell them. i know this
is wrong, but i am like addicted to cutting. i can't stop.i have done all
i can do. i have gone to therepist after therepist, and it doesnt matter,
it doesnt help. i dont like the idea of people you dont know trying to control
your life. i know i am only a teenager but they dont know a goddamned thing
about us. they dont know me and they dont know my fucking life. you people
are the only ones i can trust, because you know how i feel. i cannot think
of happy things, because with every up comes a plunging fall. and then it
keeps going around in like this neverending circle of feeling ok one day,
and then dead the next. it reminds me of a quote by the deftones "i try and
look up to the sky but my eyes burn." that is my favorite quote of all time.
the only medical condition i have is ADD (attention deficit disorder) and
it makes me so angry because i am not medicated for it. one time i took my
friend's riddelen and it made me feel GOOD. it felt so nice to just be in
my own world, and i could actually concentrate. it got me away from my problems.
as far as i know, it is the only thing that has ever helped me. this website
is a good place for me to come because it makes me feel like i'm not alone.
everyone who is out there is free to email me with their stories or thoughts
or comments. maybe i can help some of you. -heather- Heather, have you told your family how you feel? This could be the first
step toward recovery.Are you on any anti-depressive medication? If no maybe
that is another option. Please don't cut yourself anymore,that only makes
things worse.Keep faith in yourself, for your life will get better. It's
hard to see now, but believe me life is full of ups and downs and it is the
way we handle them that creates the outcome.I really feel for you and hope
things start looking up for you. It's funny how when things seem the worst
for us, our compassion toward one another erupts, and we can temporarily
forget about our own problems. I've been feeling like you for a long time,
I'm in my forty's, and I have good days and bad days,and i just try to think
of positive things. Take a walk in the park and take in all the beauty it
has to offer. You are going through a difficult time in your life and you
can't let it beat you. I'll be on this websight almost every day, so if you
want to correspond through this websight I'll be here for you. Please don't
E-mail me, as I don't want my wife to know that i feel this way. I'm just
taking one day at a time, and I hope that time will be a healer.Smile for
me, you're worth it. sometimes, on days like today, i wonder if things will ever change. i
wonder if i will ever feel alive does anyone know of a way to get rid of mental illness? i have been dealing
with it for long enough and i want it gone forever. i am sick of waking up
wanting to die, and i am sick of cutting myself. and i am very very tired
of ending the day crying. i am tired of being pissed off all the time. i
want to feel good for a change. everytime i recover i spend some time being
all dandy, and just when i think i am ok i blink and i am messed up again.
what the hell did i do to deserve this eternal torture and pain?! i would
give anything just to have my family look at me like im normal and not like
i am just a freak. i am 14 years old. i am supposed to be out living my teenage
years, but for some reason i cant. this is no joke. i need help i'll remember you for a looooooooong time dave. maybe never forget you.
when i am concerned about people and care for them i dont forget them. i
do hope everything gets better. hopefully i am able to order that book soon. I have to agree with you Amber, and I just wanted you to know that I was
shocked by the ending in the book and feel like i have taken 10steps backward
into depression. The book was good reading and informative, I was just not
ready for the ending.Thanks for remembering me, Amber. Alex dont you think that is kind of harsh? on this site it is a good place
to vent. you are just looking upon the surface of it all. i really havent
posted on here much. i post all my things on a different website (www.bolt.com
i'm not advertising here) i see no harm in having anything like this. i think
it helps more than anything. knowing that other people feel the same way
you do.... and have people give and take advice from others. and that thing
you said about jeremy....that was just uncalled for. depression, and bi polar....and
all those other things.... they are an ILLNESS.... keyword being illness.
it is an illness that some people overcome. its not like someone "chooses" to
be that way. no one person is able to choose that. ~Dave~ nice to see you
again.... i hope things are getting a little bit better for you atleast.
~To all~ Much peace, light, love, and happiness. Blessed Be and Merry Part. damnnnnn i cant believe there are people actually buying this shit, I
do understand mental illness and believe everyone of us has some form of
it to some extent, that very fact defines individuality. but this Jeremy
character is by no means a martyr or an example to follow! In one of his
cheesy excuses for a thought, he says that the reality is that he is always
with us?? who is this guy the spawn of David Koresh? and for those folks
who unlike JEREMY (probably inspired by pearl jam), posted ACTUAL and HONEST
stories and concerns, seek help and stop trying so hard at being happy, just
let it flow. join a martial arts class, get a hobby or join the armed forces;
God knows they keep you busy and please stop reading Mr. Wisdom's rantings,
they will only distract you from obtaining real happiness by confusing you
and making you ponder on things that we all know have no answer and that
make life so magical. Ciao people, Laterz JEREMY i hope you free yourself
from your basement, stop ripping of these people with your pointless rants
and get a job. dave, yes it is very hard. ecspecialy when u r reminded everyday. i understand
where you r coming from, but realize that you are setting yourself in a trap
which you might not be able to get out of. i think you should tell your wife,
she might not understand, but maybe she could help you. -heather- this is
my quote: i tried so hard, and got so far, but in the end, it doesent even
matter. Hey. God, I dont know how long ago it was since i last wrote to this thing..
but im alone thinking right now and i thought id give it another shot. I
am depressed, but i do not know with what anymore cuz it keeps gettin worse
and then better.. and it feels like there's nothing i can do about it. When
I started out i guess i was just clinically depressed, but it has gone way
further down now. And it feels like all those people who should care dont.
My Dad is embarrased of me and my appearance and thinks im just a worthless
piece of shit who doesnt try to help myself. My mom.. well i think she tries
to care.. i really think she does.. but she never seems to succeed at it
very well. My bestest friend in the whole world wont listen to me and i guess
doesnt have time for a "freshman" anymore now that shes older (by one year)
her friends tell her not to hang out with me anymore that she shouldnt hang
out with little freshmans like me... so i guess she's starting to listen.
My other former Best friend Chris.. well who knows whats in his head.. he
doesnt care anymore.. we both live far away and go to different schools now
so i think he thinks it gives him an excuse not to keep in touch but he has
time for everyone else. So right now i feel all i have left is My boyfriend.
And right now im wondering how much i mean to him. I promised myself i would
never have a relationship with someone involved with drugs again since my
last relationship because it hurt me so much. and now my boyfriend that i
have now i think is getting back into it and i dunno what to do. I love him
so much so i will not break up with him. But i guess its testing him right
now to see how much i do mean to him... but i dont wanna do this. I already
wanna kill myself so bad right now.. i use to be a cutter and then i stopped
when i realized what i doing, but i started doing it again now. and everything
seems to be going down hill.. and no one cares and im just losing people.
I dont wanna lose my boyfriend now too. i dont know what to do.. i wanna
run away or else just like kill myself i dont know what else to do now..
it seems as if ive tried everything else. But i should stop wasting people's
time in here.. so im off. thanks for everything this site, and the novel
and all your support. Heather, it is hard not to look back when it is on your mind daily.I understand
what you are saying, I just can't seem to let go. Please don't E mail me,
it would just upset my wife. I am constantly thinking about suicide, but
i'm afraid to leave my wife and two kids behind. I've just purchased the
Jeremy's Prophet book, and hope to gain some insight as to why i am feeling
this way. Thank you for your concern. i was depressed for about 7 months, and i think guilt has alot to do w/
depression ( dave ). i thought suicide was the only way out, and i attempted
6 times, before giving up because i wasn't achieving. my depression let me
open my eyes and see the world through a different prospective. my motto
is : NEVER LOOK BACK . i used 2 dwell on the bad things, and thats why i
was depressed. i would dwell on my mistakes. Mental illness comes from within. The power of the mind can conquer all.
Unfortunately, mankind seems destined to self-destruct. I have found that
cannabis takes off the violent edge, but I still carry Mr. Nine Millimeter
always. Best of luck to Jeremy. Don't dwell on negativity. i've been depresed for years now, i've been going to therapy and started
to take medications, problem is, they dont work. its hard becouse i do stuff
that i wouldnt normally do.I hate it, I cant seem to function everyday, i'm
in my head like crazy everyday. its been tough. my girlfreind and people
who i thought were my freinds have all distance there self to me becouse
they cant stand being near me. I dont mean to be like this, I never chose
to be like this.none of us choose to have this illness. the freaked up thing
about it is that where powerless over it, just like someone is powerless
over getting cancer, and we have to swollow pills in order for us to stop
the pain..I would appreiciate anyone who can relate to email me...thank you my life has been in a constant spiral downward i have tried to kill myself
numerous times and now i am getting help but i still feel like going for
those pills ocasionally i just finihsed watching VH1 about the INXS band leader who killed himself
in 1997. I think it goes to show that having it all doesn't much matter if
your depressed. Hey everyone. I put an entry in here almost a year ago about the night
i tried killing myself and almost died. I got a lot of e-mails back from
many people who came to this website. I just wanted to say thank you. As
of now, I'm doing much better. I still have my days but it's not like before.
Everyones love and help was and still is greatly appriciated to this day.
Now I am here if you need me. I have been there so if you need to talk e-mail
me! I'm only 15, but I can still help. I know what it's like to feel alone.
I wish everyone the best! Bird, It is not the fact I am angry. It is the the simple fact of society
punishing me. I am shunned by a lot of people, My friends, That I thought
were friends, Were just Aquatainces(sp?) But when I look for help on the
internet and find none and just be ridiculed even more, It doesn't go well
with me. Another thing. If another bastard patronizes me as someone who knows nothing
of this illness, I'll post another angry remark. Suicide isn't natural. Humans are the only being who commit suicide(Novel).
The problem with outright saying suicide isn't natural is most people won't
listen. It is just another opinion to a society trapped in continual entropy.
Birthright to be joyful? I think we have a birthright to suffer from birth.
That is our birthright. Being joyful is others teachings. If you learn that
a sunny day is good, A sunny day will be good, To you. Same thing with rainy
days. Not a good day. Joyfulness and happiness are mere teachings. Our birthright
is to suffer and feel pain. What good is making others happy if they don't
matter? You make someone happy, They won't remember it, They die. Simple.
I feel life is pointless, But suicide is even more pointless. But to think
suicide is natural or not is a teaching. Learn it well or live. Suicide is
a weak option. Suicide is the answer to nothing but how afraid of how well
you have it. What you will learn from medical help is basically another teaching
you will never learn again. thank you dave....and i hope all goes well for you, and everyone else.
much peace, love, light, and happiness to you all. I asked a question about being suicidal because of guilt,and i have not
recieved any responses. For more than a year i have felt suicidal and depressed.
I have suicidal thoughts daily. I fear the day when i will take them seriously.
These thoughts consume most of my day and I just need to know if this is
a natural reaction to feeling guilty or do i really have a problem that needs
counseling? Please only answer me on this websight for i don't want my wife
to know I am asking you this. Thank you. Amber, If i can help in any way,
let me know on this websight and i'll try if i can. your welcome dave. i hope you didnt feel like i was invading you or anything.
but i do hope things get better for you, and i understand why you want to
keep it on this site. hope all goes well for you. Thank you Amber for a nice E-Mail. I hope all is well with you. I asked for understanding and if it is normal to be feeling suicidal for
betraying my wife. I was looking for a female friends views and i fell in
love with her. She wanted no part of me and my depression has grown. Is this
a normal response for me? I just don't know. I'm working things out with
my wife and really don't need anyone E-mailing or IM'ing me, as this is a
very sensitive area in my marriage and I don't want my wife to know that
I have contacted you about feeling suicidal. I appreciate the efforts that
have been made to contact me, however, I think if my wife knew about this
that it would make matters worse. So Please only answer My questions on this
sight. I'll be better off this way. Thank you for your thoughtfulness. wow....for not being on here a while, you kinda have to get updated. i'm
sorry for not posting my article, but it really didnt turn out how i wanted
it to. it was only a high school newspaper.. nothing much, but i guess i
will post it in a few. much peace, light, love, and happiness to all. Jose, I shouldn't be. It's just I'm never helped, And society as a whole
looks down upon me. I guess my not being helped by the only place I can get
it, Leads to anger. Joeseph, I don't know why you are angry with me. I do not know this Charles
Burger person. Weird. You believe I am projecting my thoughts of this site upon others.
So you think I read this for my own amusement. How did you come up with this
conclusion. Don't answer. The answer will be from your ass anyways. If you've
read my first post(Not too far down) Then you would understand I don't read
this shit to amuse me. Reading this helps me understand that I am not alone
and this suicidal illness idn't only in me. But you two. Don't help anyone.
You two are arrogant fools and this is the last time I'm reminding you two
of your peon status. Now, My saying of people that read this for amusement,
Are those such of you two. You two come into this discussion, For the first
time, And ridicule my opinions. Your arrogance thinks you are making people
feel better. I despise your kind. The kind that ridicules for what they don't
know of. I spit upon you. Joseph, I think you are projecting your own thoughts of this site onto
others. You may be reading this page for your own amusements, but others
may not be. Also, I do not think Jose Jones has all the answers, but I feel
that if he shows supportive emotions for others, it could only help deal
with this tragic disease. When one goes to a shrink, what happens? Two people
communicate about issues that concern them. This is all that is taking place
here. I have read nowhere on this site that this provides a solution, it
just helps people realize that they're others out there who deal with similar
issues. Furthermore, from reading your comments, who are you to decide what
these people need? Writing out ones problems has proven to have cathartic
effects. You should try it some time ;) Jones, You may disagree. But these people aren't receiving the help they
require. You may email people, But you think it helps. Are you that confident
in changing a person's point of view? Is that arrogance or confidence. There
is a very thin line. Joseph, I must disagree with your last post. I have e-mailed people from
this discussion and offered my support. Therefore, in my opinion, I think
it helps :) This is actually stupid. This discussion is rarely a place to turn to
for help. It is merely a board to hear others bitch. People who visit this
read for their own pleasure, They do not add to the help and healing. Dave,
I recommend seeing a therapist or Psychiatrist for healing and medication.
Suicide, I guess, Isn't the answer. How long will I feel this need to kill myself so my wife and kids won't
have to put up with my depression. I looked to another female for friendship
only and ended up in love, and the guilt that I am feeling is overwhelming.
Suicidal thoughts fill my head every day. My wife doesn't understand, and
I can't keep living with this guilt. Hello to all of you out there who are trying to figure this out. Im a
mother of a bipolar teen. Im so lost and have no where to turn. Im trying
to find out what to do for my daughter.To help her to get some kind of sanity.
Shes been in hosiptals for trying to kill her self and has been on so many
different meds. Every where I turn to get her the right help I hit a brick
wall. We have been dealing with bipolar for a short while and I need all
the help we can get. I have read some of the comments and it breaks my heart.
Please if there is any one who might be able to help me, to help my daughter
please email me. Thank you. This is all weird. You people seem to be on medication, but still not
alright, Me myself, I can't go see a doctor. My father hates me already,
He'd probably run me over with his van. Figures though, I really turned into
another person, Terrible in school, Friends think I'm psychotic. Am I? Maybe.
Would medicine help? Doubtful. Medicine hasn't helped me for crap. But if
there was an easy, painless, quick way to die, I've be dead already. I think
a gun would do the job, But I have no access to a gun. Anywhere. So I'm stuck
here, at my computer(My Utopia) and go on the internet to figure what's wrong
with me. Depression? Most likely. Any help? None. No friends to help me,
My family will probably DISOWN me, and I can't do much but get advice from
people who've been there. Any suggestions? Please, they are very welcome.
If not, That's fine. I have lived without an idea for a couple years now. Hey all. It's been a while. God.. a long while. Anyway Ive been out of
the hospital for about 7 months. Wow, it doesnt even feel that long to me.
I was a cutter, and clinicalally depressed goin into about the worst depression
i have ever had. Sowwy, i forgot what it is called. heh, thats me ol' forgetful.
Well, atleast about things like that. I dont forget much of my past, i guess
cuz it still does haunt me. Anyway, to make a long story short i thought
i was doin better after all those months and i guess i wasnt. One thing lead
to another, stress with school and friends, depression diced heavily on that.
I cut once again. Right on my wrist. And I never told my boyfriend about
it either. But, of course, he found it. He got mad, angry, furious! He thought
I didnt trust him. I told him i dont tell many people about it becuz i dont
think they will understand. But, he said "well i guess we dont understand
each other then" And we broke up. I thought I was gunna die.. He was like
my life at this time. I locked myself in my room for the rest of the week
and cried. Prett pathetic huh? Yeah, i know, but what are you gunna do right?
Anyway, im convinced i love him. I mean, i still have him as a friend, but
for some reason thats not good enough for me. So ive been cranky, down, and
keeping to myself.. so ive flipped out on people who get in my way. I seem
to be losing friends left and right, and along with my boyfriend. And i dont
think this is about him anymore. Im eating more than usual.. keeping to myself,
in my room.. all that shit. I dunno what to do.. and it just leads me to
want to cut myself even more, but i try not to for cory. I thought about
one of the entries in here.. asking if u really could run away. Heh, Ive
tried that, but somehow your problems will always follow you where you go,
and it doesnt end. It can even get worse that way. One of my favorite quotes
is "you might be done with the past, but the past will never be done with
you" its something like that anyway. No one believes that quote.. they all
think: OH YOU CAN DO WAHTEVER U WANT!! BUT ITS WRONG! IVE TRIED YOU CANT!
what am i suppose to do now? I just wanna kill myself but for some reason
i cant! Can some one figure out why im not just goin on and killing myself
and tell me what it is so i can do it/use it more often? It would come in
much handy! But So much for that making a long story short huh? Anyway, i
guess im just asking for some help, and looking for somewhere to go.. can
someone feel me in? At night i sing myself to sleep with "Let it Be" by john
lennon. Pretty sad and pathetic huh? I dunno why that song comforts me but
it does. And i dont even get why im writing all this cuz there's no point
to it! So i better be off. Good luck to the rest of you! "And when the broken
hearted people living in their world of dreams, there will be an answer let
it be, but though they may be parted there is still a chance that they might
see! There will be an answer Let it Be!" Silly huh? I too just finished the novel. It is my belief that Jeremy's message is
very important and should be shared with everyone, especially people dealing
with mood disorders. Bravo Jeremy and thank you :) i used the library computor i can't aford a computor because i need to
pay for my phycotic medicines so i hope this web site is to help and not
so much profit because im very careing to all when it come to mental illness
been there and still there made many suicide attemps almost suceeded twice
i just cant stand the weak to be taking advantage of so it your trueful i'll
be willing to tell you my stories and their interesting im forty year old
and have a son who is bipolar from the age of ten when the medicne ritlin
came out and made him worse i started getting sick by dealing with the gov.
system to seek help for fred my son at this time fred's in jail and im fighting
the system to get some sort of finace help for me its hard to get help when
your a manic depressive with out any helth insurance and i have seen a lot
in the past six days while i was in treatment center im trying to get my
anger under control because im pycotic bipolar and many more names they called
me the doctor's, my friend has a computor and he'll let me use his emal address
i think its gtunderwood i'll chat later or please write me sincerey debbie
p.s. this computot does not have spell check and im on a one hour timer so
my is raceing bye for now I just finished reading the novel and I wanted you to know it will change
my path in the future. I think it will help me- and others like me dealing
with mental illness a great deal. I truly hope Jeremy feels gratitude for his very special friends. With
support we all can overcome the walls that seem to appear on our paths. When
we are up against a wall we always have a choice. Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery, none but ourselves can free
our minds. I think this is a great website and I have a lot of respect for the people
who made it and who care about the people who go through this. Thanks. I found the novel illuminating. It really helped me understand what it's
like to suffer with bi-polar mental disease. The "Must Says" were definitely
food for thought. Thank-You god bless jeremy God hates me and I want to die. I tried getting better. I tried getting
help, and now, I don't care. I WANT to die now.I can't take this anymore,
I'm going to explode I need to get away from here and from myself before
i do something stupid. Can i run away for real? Wow! What an amazing website! I don't remember HOW I found ya'll, but
I am so glad I did, I almost feel like I KNOW you! Wishing you all (especially
Jeremy) the best of luck. Deep Breaths and Belly Laughs, Enigma I just wanted to say that I really enjoyed your site and like what you're
doing for your friend. I'm not going to write about my life to justify myself
to anyone. I would just like to say, Jeremy, i hope you make it past this,
i know what you're going through. Also, could i get the password to "jubilee"?
Thanks much... This site really brings it home to me. Thanks. well i can identify with a lot of people who have submitted an entry.
i knew that there were more people out there like me but i was very unsure
if i was the only one who felt this way. lately i have been worn out mentally
and physically. i hardly leave the house unless for school or work. i find
it very hard to get out of bed in the morning. i am a high school senior
and i feel horrible all of the time... i have this really great guy, but
right now we are long distance. i feel lost without him by my side. recently
i had a fight with one of my friends, actually we dont talk anymore... this
has also decreased my health. i am so stressed out. to make matters worse
i have a hernia, so everytime i get to the point of breaking, i feel weak
and pains shoot threw my chest. to be honest i dont know what to do anymore!
i have tried suicide, but im still alive... and to jeremy, i am sorry you
ended up there in the first place. i wish we didnt have those places... they
make people even worse then when they began. if anyone wants to talk email
me at brandynhoney@hotmail.com Intellectualizing pain is for me more painful than the the pain itself.
Even our own thoughts of the pain we feel do not describe the reality of
the anguish. Pain is pure. Describing it to myself, or to you, and for you
to really understand, or for me to really understand you, would be impossible
I think. It is enough to say that you are in pain. We should not need to
justify the unseen horror just because it is not cancer or AIDS or open wounds
across our flesh. To express pain is to make oneself vulnerable. What worse
when taking that great leap than to be dismissed or scoffed at? Hello once again my brothers and sisters, or what I now know to be, my
soldiers in the struggle. How many have you have read me previous discussion.
Well since then I've been thinking whether I'm special or... M/D. You see
unlike you guys I want to live, I am not the problem in my life. No thats
not scientifically possible. When I was young I made a fool of myself so
much trying to socialise, that I could only think of one think, to be nice
and quiet, Why because I built myself upon characters on T.V like Richard
geer in an office and agentlemen, Jean Claude Van Dam (Any film his quiet
calm character that the women seem to love) Denzel washington in glory (you
know noble characters). As for the actors themsleves they meant nothing,
I merely watched for the characters they portrayed. I realised I could build
a fake personality to cover me, whether good or evil (bad... in long run
causes split personalities). But getting back, being nice couldn't possibly
cause any problems, and being quiet, meant you weren't looking for trouble.
but upon being quiet and nice I realised that, that made no difference. People
still hated me, at first I was shocked/gob smacked/stunned/dazed/lost/baffeled/dazzeled/confused,
which ever country you come from, I was hurt. You see I realised that they
was a problem, but it wasn't me, how could it be. I did nothing wrong, I
can honestly say I felt outcasted by society, and as far as my subconcious
knew that was normal, and as long as that was normal, considering what the
hell is normal, that was fine. Honestly what is normal, what is good, it
seems to be bad is to be good and to be good is to be bad. One thing I never
told you guys is my father was mentally insane/Ill... it really doesn't matter.
You see now that I know he passed down, which ever diseise to me. I dont
hate him, but honeslty could not give a damn if I ever saw him again. Don't
Judge, because you know little of my life. I could not possibly type my life
story on this thing, trust me. But getting back, my life is worth something,
because I wasn't the problem. They were, the News, Tv, Media and Goverment.
They have some how posioned our society. I'm not gonna go into detail, you
know what I'm talking about, people have no minds of thier own, they follow
whatever pleases them, even though what pleases them is wrong. Peer pressures
of society, but you must understand, that our minds can cope with lonelyness(well
for a month or two) because of our so called mental Illness. but their minds
crack under pressure and don't get a chance to recover, without getting a
neddle stuck in their arm. So we are not the problem, they are. Todays society
insult each other to boost their status over each other, they have no consideration
for feeling of others, they continously work their arses off to a life that
is almost, already set for them. their minds are set like computer programs
from birth, only to have little Judgement on what the real world beholds.
Do not kill yourselves because we will recieve nothing in the world to come...
and the world we leave behind... misery and pain to the ones we love. I've
always thought of my pain as levels of pressure and each level holds a higher
level/knowledge of power and wisdom (under any condition, we've all been
there, write if you'd like to put my misery to the test) Right now I'm on
about level 8 of ten. Its hard I know, but it feels good to know, that not
just anyone can do this. I even told my friends before I knew "you could
never walk in my shoes" and they can't. Peace and I'm out (for those who
may have tried to contact me for support I've given the correct email address
this time. This will be my last message, because this site may become a bad
habit if I persit. By the way I do have friends but could not tell you which
one I relate to (Who the hell am I, and what pack does this lost sheep, seriously
belong too) I am pretty sure that the author will appreciate my comment, being that
we spoke on a few occassions in friendly chat. We have never really had the
chance to discuss Jeremy other than the fact to get the word out about it.
When I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, I was embarrassed. I remeber
watching a speical about the life of Patty Duke and how 'crazy' she looked.
That is exactly how the media portrayed her. How ugly a person she became
to me after I saw what she would do. Little did I know that I would do the
samething, but wrote it off as a woman's problem that she would deal with
monthly. I sunk into a serious depression that no one could understand. Not
even my so called boyfriend who was in love with me and we spoke of marriage.
Things got so bad that I wouldn't get out of bed to go to class. I made my
mom come and stay with me in the dorms for about 3 weeks. With sick grandparents
at home that she needed to tend to I was suffocating my mom and stealing
all of her time. I had become a theif over night. Robbing everyone of their
time and energy. My sister didn't really understand what was going on with
me. She would just tell me to get out of bed and go. It is so easy to say,
but not to do. I was at a christian university where everyone would just
tell me to pray about it. I do believe in the power of prayer, but I also
believe in the power of an M.D. I had been seeing a psychologist for years
and finally got down to business. I can only thank God that I was a chosen
one to have this disorder only to help those who suffer along with me. I
am grateful for someone like Jeremy who does want to share his story. It
reminds me that there is nothing to embarrassed of if it educates the ignorance
in society. Thank you Jeremy. i have been here before. i just wanted to say that i have done a published
article on depression/self mutilation....which i have done. i'm not a professional
journalist or anything, but if you do want a copy of it you can email me,
and i could give you a copy. much peace and love to everybody. I am a child of an alcoholic who would verbally and physically abuse my
mom, siblings, and self. I hated my father and life in general. I was also
molested by my brother-in-law, who at the time was dating my sister. This
went on from 9 yrs old into my twenties. I couldn't reveal this to my family,
they would never understand. Besides, my sister was crazy about him and tried
killing herself several times because of him...I didn't want to push her
over the edge. They have twins that are 9yrs old now and I can help but wonder.
Once she walked in on my brother-in-law kissing my middle sister and blamed
her for it...do you know what I'm mean? They didn't speak for years and she
still blames her. Anyway, as a child I always felt like an outsider to the
world, hoping that someday it would all come to an end. Yet, everyone sees
this lively outgoing person who they have never seen cry. In high school
I hung out with the troubled crowd. Drugs, alcohol, and cutting school was
what I did best. Boys wanted to date me but I wouldn't allow anyone in to
my heart...my first boyfriend at 15 really took some abuse. I built a wall
so high that no mother f*cker out there would ever knock down. Yes, I tried
killing myself several times. I spent countless hours just planning it and
many trips to the hospital. Friends and family were oblivious they thought
it was a phase. I was a very good liar and had this great ability to analyze
people...still do. Now, I'm married to a wonderful man...really. Why can't
I be happy? It's always something with me, longing attention; jealousy; picking
fights; no drive to find a job or just get out of the house at times. Our
marriage will never last this way. Now that I'm 32, for the first time this
past Xmas, I was able to sit in the same room with my dad...he actually treated
me like a human being...he had some health issues and so I did some research
for him and he actually listened...it was great! I became obsessed with doing
further research to make him well, and also get some attention. One month
later he suffered a major stroke and has been hospitalized since. Will I
ever get the nerve to just say, "I love you" before he passes. I thank you my brothers and sisters, for making my life worser than it
already is. You see I grew up sitting in the corner, never being able to
relate to people, trying to copy the fly guys, trying to impress but always,
yes always making a clown of my self. I never really understood it as a child,
all I knew was I was different. I was bullied in practically every school
I was in, yet was not weak, it was always more than one, and people being
weak as they are, just followed. As a child I also had no emotions, well
little emotions, so I began practicing this skill and realised I could become
the perfect liar (SKILL NO.1) The skill of being able to put on a straight
face which hides all emotions, at the age of 12 my mother could not tell
if I was lying. But still I never used this skill to rob or cheat I considered
that wrong, considering all the popular people used lies to boost they image,
I wanted to be just as high as them but the clean way. From 10-15 I was in
three diffrent schools with the problem of not relating but my mother never
knew. Through out this time secondary was a rough ride of talking to whoever
talked to me. But this was inside of school lets talk about the outside,
where my brother at times didn't want me around him, constant killer arguements,
that would cripple an average person in so many ways, when he had girls around
I couldn't talk to them but was always extremly nice when replying to a question.
I was a nice guy, but every time they left, I got angry thinking, why, why
is it so hard. On the last year of secondary I continously skipped school
with no thoughts of my life, I didn't care, its like I wasn't popular. This
over the years made me angry against the average person, even people with
low intellgence where getting hot girls or relating to just anyone, while
I was there with (SKILL NO.2)intteligence on the inside but stupidity on
the outside. My mother soon learned about my grades after school, and when
school was over, My mother spoke to me in a soft voice and said what do you
want to do, but you see the (Skill No.3)is the ability to analyse people,
so I knew she was really saying Son what the hell am I gonna do with you.
I had dreams but I hadn't the balls to follow any of them I felt useless
every day, because I would always lose concentration, this grew as I became
older. 1st year of college came and I didn't have a clue where I was going
I was sunddely an adult, so I did an art course because I could draw, through
these times at college I became Isolated and very angry, never realising
that I was walking around with a screw face, and ruining my chance with me
meeting girls. Some very attractive girls did approach but I had no idea
how to flirt, I felt what if she takes it the wrong way, what works for some
doesn't necessarily work for others. So I was so nice that I was so boring,
in the mean time my skill of hiding emotions was A*Class and no one knew
the pain I felt. I used my anger to pump and work out like crazy (SKILL NO.4)
Hyper, at the age of eighteen I was perfectly fit in ways that can't be explained
and I now, just had to sit back and be myself, Mr Nice guy. The guys began
hating me so I did martial arts to keep them away and to boost my status,
girls started coming but my hatred pushed all of them away and it did fell
great at times, my mother then grew intrest in me being a perfect son, well
thats what she thought, but deep inside the anger grew, I can honestly say
at the age of eighteen I had lost my emotions with my mother I couldn't relate,
but because my mother was wise I would listen. After anaylysing so called
players for two years at college, I moved to performing arts and got strongly
abused, but realised in order for me to be higher than these people and save
a place in the next world, I must be extremely nice to them, because it will
always play on they're concioussness and it will make them feel low no matter
how high you are bad things will always bring you down and push people away.
But enough of my life story I actually thought I was special until I came
here because I can now control my anger and am a saint to people around me,
I advise my friends they look up to me. But according to this sight I have
a mental problem, no your only mental if you tell someone about. So my brothers
And sister learn to master your gifts and look after the rest of the world.
But before you people get the wrong Idea I haven't got any happiness from
this at the current age of twenty two I lost my sleep, now my mind constantly
brings up my painfull past, and reminds me of the people that have in some
way made this ten times worse, so I now only speak to freinds of my family
only cause we still live together, I don't know how I'll survive by myself
even though I constantly locked in my room by myself, getting to sleep at
night by smoking drugs and drinking alcohol. I now work and know that you
at least have to be around people, I have learn't a new skill I call it (Converting
Negativity Into Positvity and how it works is, whenever I get mad and think
of something bad I merely say something good, but good thoughts must also
be replaced with good words, try it. My last words are to say "We must learn
to live with whatever we have, even though what we have, may not make us
happy, but if that not enough then, I say to you my brothers and sisters
(Find your happiness through others) In other words make someone happy. It
will work trust me, just don't stay around for the attention. First of all,I am manic.Just thought I'd get that out of the way.My entire
world is like a darkness,But that's not really why I'm typing this.Maybe
I'm typing this so Jeremy will know that people sre coming to this site.And
maybe that people surrport his {and his friends} cause.Depression and insanity
are extremly hard to deal with,In some cases it can't be dealt with.Unfourtunatly,That's
life.But to Jeremy,I hope you accomplish what ever it is you are reaching
for. I have been here before so I decided to check out what has been written
lately and I found it interesting to read that other people either care or
know what it is like to live with a mental illness and how people can put
a stigma on people like us all the time. I have been going through a rough
time lately and My doctor wanted to put in the hospital again but I promised
him if it got really bad and there was no one else around to make sure I
was safe I would check myself in...but that is not the point that I am writing...I
want everyone to know that we shall survive...even if it takes us all the
time in the world, living one day at time and realizing we are not alone
and have friends and family that care about us and our mental state of mind...Jeremey
is a very lucky person to have friends that care about him and the rest of
us to fight a good cause towards mental illnesses and the things that can
and do happen to some of us...I would like to tell you guys that what you
are doing is helping and educating alot of people not to be afraid or that
they are not alone in this tiny but large world...I am now sending my prayers
and strength to everyone that is suffering from a mental illness and hope
that each of take it one day at time and do what we have to do to make it
through this roller coaster ride that we are taking... My husband has been fighting his depression for 4 years now. At first
it was something we could handle. We did the extra vitamins, prayed, etc.
After about a year of this I didn't like the change in him. He started to
become angry at everything and anything. When he did see the doctors at last,
and they put him on medications things started to look up again. Little did
we know that it was a temp. fix. Nobody told us this was going to happen.
8 months ago the doctors changed his meds again, everyone was all happy,
everyone but me. I knew from past experiances what was down the road again.
Sure enough, he fell again. Harder than ever. He has tried to kill himself
several differant ways, each time failing (thank goodness). The doctors weren't
helping. They asked my husband if he needed to be put in the hospital, and
he always said no, and the doctors would listen! Wouldn't put him in, said
it would be better if he went in on his own! When I found a loaded gun in
his car I exploided! Screw the doctors, I put him in the hospital. Then to
top everything off, the damn hospital released him 2 days later! Once again
we were back to where we started. It seemed like nobody wanted to help us.
2 weeks after the first hospital visit, he was "body searched" by his mother.
She found another gun on him! This time we put him in a differant hospital
that did wonders for him. He is out now, back to work, but, still has the
tough days. Thanks to the hospital and the workers/doctors there he is able
to get past these days. Even with him out of the hospital, they still help
him. For those who have loved ones who are depressed, I just want to say
that it is a long hard battle. Stick with them no matter how hard it is.
If you have to become a "bitch" and put your foot down with the doctors,
do it. DON'T LET THE DEPRESSED PERSON CONTROL THE DOCTOR! (Thats what happened
to us) I view my depression as a simple extension of logic. You can not convince
me that the world is without fundamental flaws. I simply can not seem to
think of anything else. Civilization is crumbling; going down that road that
mankind has always dabbled on, one of selfish indifference and complacency.
Come on, the millionaires of the world show us one thing: our society values
having money for the sake of having money. We aren't building toward anything
high and noble, we are just watching Jerry Springer on the boobtube and laughing
at the other deplorable people who are stupid enough to be exploited. 85%
of the world's population should not have children, yet they are the ones
having the most progeny. Stick a fork in us, we are done. Anyone else feel
this way? Thank god that there are people who understand how I feel,how I have always
felt. I have not been diagnosed with anything but now I have some idea what
might be wrong with me now. All the rage that I feel others feel to god that
is good to know. Thanks your site just being here is a big step for all of
us. I have been manic depressive for about 3 years now. And I also have been
suicidal. The trigger event for my depression is when my dad had an affair
with someone he worked with. My dad seemed like one of those people that
wouldn't even think about doing something like that. I moved to Illinois,
and there I was ridiculed at school everyday, and I would come home crying
every single day. Any school that I went to I was ridiculed every single
day because I wasn't "popular" and I was a "freak." I've moved around alot
because my dad used to work in the military. When I moved to Illinois things
just got much worse for me. Too many bad things went on I don't even want
to bother typing them. I had some friends. But only actually about 5 to 6
real true friends. Other problems in my life is this girl Stacie that my
older brother thinks he wants to marry someday. But this girl is literally
a complete psycho bitch. She has tried to run my brother over with her car.
And many other things. My brother has tried to commit suicide before, and
he felt that his life was worthless. My dad was manic depressive too. I remember
the nights when he was just going crazy, trying to kill himself. My mom was
only clinically depressive. My dad and my brother were hospitalized when
they tried to commit suicide. With all this commotion going on I really needed
someone to relate to, and not depend on a shrink. So I met this one guy,
Aaron, and he seemed to be the best thing that ever happened to me. But I
was completely wrong. I was so vunerable, I let him manipulate me so much.
He wanted sex so much, but he never got it from me. I thought I loved him,
but now I know that I didn't and that it was all just lust. I have tried
to commit suicide before, and more than once. But I have only been hospitalized
once. I have so many scars all over my body. The physical pain that it gives
me I enjoy. It's like it takes away the emotional pain that I can't handle.
I am trying my hardest to get better, but having this illness, concludes
that there is no automatic cure. I have moved again into Missouri. I just
started highschool, and I'm pulling my grades up, and am a straight "A" student...for
now. I seem to be getting worse. My friend had got raped a couple of months
ago. And now the boyfriend I have now, has a worse life than me. He has been
abused physically and verbally. I don't want to get in detail with him, because
it is his life, and it is not something you just go along and talk about.
But he doesn't want any help, except from me and his friends. My world seems
to be crumbling so hard again. And now I am scared of happiness because I
know that happiness at some time has to end. There are many other things
to say...but there aren't always the words and/or time to say them. So I
am just going to end this here. If anyone needs someone to talk to, or they
have any advice. You can email me any time. I'm not manic depressant. My best friend is. He never talks about his
feelings because he believes there is no point. I try to get him to and then
he just gets upset and sometimes angrey. I want him to understand I just
want to help him. How does me talking about my friend help you?! Well I just
want you to know that someone is always there for you. Let your self go.
Trust people. Talking about this kind of stuff helps. It helps people understand
you. Taking your life is stupid and selfish. How do I know?! Because I've
been suiciadal before and depressed. 17.2 Million people in america are manic
deppresant. People go through the same things. All I can say is if someone
cares enough about you to talk ask you about how you REALLY are take the
time even if it hurts and tell them!! I have been researching the bipolar
disorder since I found out about my friend and it has helped me understand
him alot. This sight has helped me understand more thanks to all who are
working on this site dilegently!! I am 16 years old. Throughout my life, I have been lost in thought. For
as long as I can remember, I have lied awake in my bed, just thinking. Sometimes,
after hours of deep thought, I would feel as if a great power, the power
of life and of God, was surging through my body. Sometimes it felt as if
I was floating. Most of the time, however, the thoughts scared and confused
me. I felt isolated and alone in my abstract, chaotic mind. My depression
built up more and more until it took over. In my years of deep depression,
I felt more alone than ever. I hated myself. When my anger became so great
that I could no longer keep it focused on myself and it spread to others
as well, I sought help. I got put on antidepressants. During this time, I
also began experimenting with other drugs. I was so excited about feeling
happy that I couldn't get enough of it, I wanted to feel more and more happy.
Just as I had hit rock bottom in the past, I hit rock top. I got hospitalized
for my manic and psychotic behavior. I have learned quite a bit from my experiences.
You do not spend your entire life thinking and not come to a few revelations.
However, I want to learn not only from myself, but from others. The people
whom I feel I can learn the most from are those deemed as being mentally
ill. People like Jeremy. If anyone would email me and talk with me not just
about their mental illness, but about their thoughts, their feelings, what
goes on inside their head, and what things they have learned in their lives,
I would greatly appreciate it. I love listening. I want to die. I want to kill myself.I am manic depressant, and now it's
gotten so much worse. I thought I was getting better, but no, it's only gotten
a lot worse. I mean the people that I'm supposed to be trusting are just
messing with my head, and I'm so very upset rite now. I don't know what to
do. It would be so much easier for me to just end it now. I want to die.
I want to kill myself. I have a friend who is the hospital now due to bipolar disorder. I used
to have seasonal affective disorder which I cured 5 years ago through diet
and supplements. I went on a gluten-free and dairy-free diet and took B vitamins
and flaxseed oil. I believe that bipolar disorder is very similar to seasonal
affective disorder and may benefit from similar treatment. In May, 1999,
a research study was done using cod liver oil with patients with bipolar
disorder and showed very favorable results. You can check it out on the web.
Also, the Pfeiffer treatment center in Illinois works with bipolar disorder
using diet and supplements. You can find them on the web also. The studies
are out there which show a connection with diet to many of the depressive
disorders. They are not well publisized because there is very little money
to be made by treating people with food. FOOD is important. In the last 100
years due to the way we eat, processed dead food, we have eliminated over
80% of essential fatty acids from our diet. These fats (found in fresh vegetables,
seeds, nuts, fish) are essential for repair and rebuilding our bodies. They
are found in flaxseed oil and cod liver oil. Diet and supplements have no
adverse side-effects. Read, study, learn, eat and be healthy. I think it is a shame that Jeremy has ended up in a mental institution.
In this day and age it is surprising that more cannot be done on the outside. Hi my name is bradster,the reason why Im so loney & depressed all the
time is the fact that life has been full of critism hate denial fear health
problems and doing things I should not even be doing.Im 27 & all of this
has been going on for many many years that it just tears me appart that my
reaction each day Im angry so frusturated it hurts like crazy.I used to be
happy all the time but it just became a distant memeory.I need someone such
a woman at my age who could relate to me for my hard times.It is hard to
find that certain someone who you can trust 24-7,it has not happened to me
as long as I can remember.To live each day as corrupted as I become I start
becoming less & less wanted whereever I go or whoever I see,its been that
way too long & I certainly don't want health problems or die at a young age.Im
very emotional & very unbalanced & I tried to see other people to help me
out I think I just nedd a long teerm relationship with a woman who can bring
me back to life to happiness.I need it real bad,I relly don't want to put
my health at risk. It is hard enough to tell my most personal problems to
people who I hardly know,there is one time I went to a club & I bared my
flesh in front of 50+ women but even that did not stop my complications,it
never chaged & Im dsperate for a woman now foever. i feel what your doing is absouletly fanomiinal.keep up the great work. After being diagnosed with bi-polar, generalized anxiety disorder, seasonal
affect dissorder, fibromyalgia, and chronic ebstein barr virus....well, what
can I say! After years of battling with Western medicines, I went off all
of them. I feel wonderful. There are many alternatives available, trust me.
I am a well versed in the fields of herbalism, homeopathy, aromatherapy,
reflexology, and meditation; the alternatives that work best for me. I am
in the process of writing a book entitle "Wisdom in a Nut Shell". Look for
it! Write me if you would like to know more about my amazing discoveries.
Love and respect to all of you!!! I'M ONLY 16 AND I HAVE BEEN COMMITED 3 TIMES MY DOCTORS TOLD MY MOM THAT
IF I GO TO THE HASPITAL ONE MORE TIME I WAS GOING TO HAVE TO BE PUT AWAY
FOR A LONG TIME BECAUSE I AM NOW BECOMMING A THREAT TO THOES AROUND ME AND
NOT JUST MYSELF.I HAVE BEEN DIGNOSED WITH "BIPOLAR DISORDER" AND I'M ALSO"ANTI-SOCIAL".AFTER
BEING IN THE HASPITAL FOR 8 MONTHS WHEN I WAS IN THE 6th GREAD I WAS FORCED
TO REPEAT IT. SO NOW I AM A FRESHMAN IN HIGH SCHOOL. I DON'T LEAVE MY HOUSE
WHERE MY DAD USES DRUGS AND IS GONE WITHOUT A TRACE MOST OF THE TIME AND
MY MOTHER DOES NOT CARE WHAT I FEEL LIKE.SO I KNOW WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO
BE LOCKED UP AND I ALSO KNOW WHAT IT IS LIKE TO BE ALONE SO IF THERE IS ANYONE
WHO LUST NEEDS TO TALK OR YOU WANT TO KNOW MORE ABOUT ME LUST E-MAIL ME @
WICKEN_TRIP_666 @YAHOO.COM. I didn't think I would be doing this --I intended only to read, not to
write. I, too, have been depressed most of my life, attempting suicide, keeping
it secret for fear I would be labeled or institutionalized. I would be locked
in a hospital right now if my husband hadn't convinced the doctor that he
could keep me *safe* at home. Nobody understands how those who are depressed
embrace death and long for it, how uncomforatble our spirits are here on
earth in the body we are in! At least we don't fear death like so many others!
I've come to believe that death is really a gift from God, and He just won't
let it happen until He's done with us here on earth. The problem is that
now we have to discover and DO whatever it is that God requires of us on
this earth in order to die. To many, that will sound morbid , but isn't that
what Christianity tells us? To finally go to Heaven, we have to believe and
do as He wants us to. I'm depressed because I want to skip the earth part
and go right to Heaven! It seems that by continuing to concentrate on my
desire to die only prolongs and miserates my time here on earth, so I have
to concentrate on what I need to do while I'm here. It's a constant struggle,
but what choice do we have? We're here, and apparently not going anywhere
else for a while. I am glad to see a way for "us" to talk. I see so many of you just like
myself on this site, plus mothers like my own. I am 28 years old, bi-polar,
panic attacks, and suicidal since the age of 13. I cannot find help in my
area. The doctors have been rude,discontinued seeing me, and abruptly taken
away my medications, which are necessary for me to even leave the house.
I have been through cognitive behavioral therapy, hypnotherapy, and a few
other "off the wall", ineffective therapies. I have also been on several
medications to treat the anx and dep but nothing really works. In fact, the
meds have made me worse at times, plus now I am reliant on anti-anxiety pills
such as Xanax, Klonopin, and Loraprazom. I do anything I can to help myself
be happy but it is like I have demons inside and they defeat me every day.
I am still seeking help desperately. The thing about people that I have come
across, is that they do not acknowlege this as a real illness. Nor do they
acknowlege that it is physiological, and not just in the head. I am sorry
to see so many people going through this, I would not wish this state on
my worst enemy. I will keep checking in this site to listen, and to talk.
Thank you. Sorry so long. Too much to say- I just turned 18, 2 days ago. My mother started cutting me off, not knowing
what was wrong with me, even with me trying to explain. I was usually a good
kid, but my mom is really strict, and she didn't realize I always had a need
to try and feel happy instead of thinking about the past. I don't have a
relationship with my father, he disowned me over his addiction to women.
My mother has never been able to catch a glimpse of my teenage life, and
doesnt know how much I've been hurt, and confused. She's always been in denial
with thinking anything would ever be wrong with me before. Therapy after
my attempt of suicide when I was 14 didn't work. Most of the time I am happy,
but sometimes I go deep into depression. One minute I can be hyper, the next,
angry or sad. Is that bi polar or what? I don't know. I am stuck here. I
don't know what to do. She just took what I thought was my only key to freedom.
my car. She didn't want me going out on my 18th birthday, so i went out anyway.
She sold the car the next day. I can't see anybody I care about now. I am
stuck in the middle of the boonies. I am still farely new to the area with
only one real friend here with a busy life. I used to have plans for college,
but I can't even seem to write an essay for anything, because all of my thoughts
aren't together. As the days go by, so do the deadlines. My grades have dropped,
and I haven't cared. I don't have anyone here for me to be able to help me
24-7 because they are busy enough. My mother doesn't care anymore. She was
angry and didn't realize the other day, she almost practically said that
she wouldn't care what I chose to do, including destroy myself. I keep thinking
about the eastiest way of getting away. I am 18 now. It's so much easier
to get lost. I feel fine now, but I know later I will go back to my low,
and the only thing that stops me is the fact that something can go wrong. I have a young teenager with Bipolar Disorder,,,her life has been very
hard,,,due to other peoples misunderstanding of her illness,,,she's so bright
and gifted,,,and everyday I see something in her that makes me proud to be
her mom,,,she truely cares about all people,,,Jeremy,,,you are to be commended
for starting this site,,,it will give people insight into how many people
are affected by Bipolar Disorder,,,and to keep it in the light so that research
will not stop,,,I pray that someday they will find the right medications
to help people with this illness. My thoughts and prayers are with you... To Jeremy and friends- thank you for taking a fresh approach to a disease
that has been put on the back shelf- I wouldv'e done it myself as I have
bipolar and I'm glad someone did. It shows there are people involved with
this illness taking positive action and let Jeremy know his efforts are changing
the world for the better. As for bipolar illness, I am a fighter, not a victim
and hope to one day publish a novel on the constant battle that we, as individuals
with a disease, will one day be free of and achieve undying greatness. And
to Jeremy, I'll kick yer ass in chess. there is no such thing as craziness, as a matter of fact (as we all find
out on the terrain) theres no such thing as anything. I have a depression problem. My parents havent seemed to realize it yet.
Or maybe they dont want to.I really want to get help.. but its like no one
is here for me. I havent found a solution yet. And I do have a boyfriend
who loves me. ?????? im scard. one of my good friends was put into a mental home about 4 weeks
ago. she just got back yesterday and is very different. i dont know how.
but im very affraid im gonna be sent there. I HAVE A SON NAMED RYAN WHOM I AM TRYING TO GET THE PROPER DIAGNOSIS FOR
HIS PROBLEMS, I FEEL HE'S BEEN MISDIAGNOSED ALL THESE YEARS WITH ADD AND
ODD, HE'S BEEN TO 2 DOCTORS IN THE PAST 2 MONTHS ONE OF THE DR'S PUT HIM
ON AN ANTIDEPRESSANT AND HE WAS BOUNCING OFF THE WALLS, I FIRED THAT DR.
BCUZ I REFUSE TO THROW GOOD MONEY AFTER BAD AND KEEP GOING TO A DR. WHO WON'T
LISTEN TO ME. WHY IS IT WE PAY GOOD MONEY FOR A DR. THESE DAYS AND HE DOESN'T
LISTEN TO YOU? RYAN HAS A FATHER WHO IS DIAGNOSED W/BIPOLAR AND STILL THESE
DR'S REFUSE TO BELIEVE, BUT BOY OH BOY THE DR'S WANT YOU AS A PARENT TO KEEP
AN OPEN MIND AND YET THEIR MIND IS COMPLETLY CLOSED...COME ON AMERICA IT'S
TIME TO EDUCATE OUR DR'S, THEY NEED TO START USING A GOOD BEDSIDE MANNER
AND START LISTENING TO US THAT IS WHY WE PAY THE GOOD BUCKS TO FUND THE WELL
DESERVED VACATIONS FOR THESE GUYS..NOT ALL DR'S ARE THIS WAY AND I HAVE HOPE
THAT I WILL FIND THE RIGHT DR. SOMEDAY AND MY SON WHO IS ONLY TEN WILL NOT
END UP LIKE JEREMY...MY GOAL IS TO KEEP MY SON ALIVE AND I'LL DO WHAT I CAN
TO ACHIEVE THIS Well im not sure if i have Manic-Depressent or not. Im only 14 but i have
most of the signs and i have attempted suicide but as you see i didnt succeed
and no one knew. Ive talked to my mother but she said its normal to feel
like this at this age which confuses me more then i already am, so to drop
the subject i just agreed with her but when i get ticked off i cant control
my brain and i do get very close to doing it and i know most of u must think
if i was serious i would of done it but i know i have family that cares about
me and i dont want to hurt them at the same time i do want to live but its
hard when u dont know if u can really be strong enough to actually get through
any rough time with out sucide crossing my mind. I just want to know what
i have or if i have anything and if its just a normal phase for my age. I
dont want to tell anyone b/c i already attempted to tell my family but they
just thought it was normal for my age and told me to stop scaring them im
also away from my mother and sister and im living with my arogant over spoken
cathiloc father who confuses me more then i should be. My mom and sister
are in NY and im in ohio ive been here since september and my mother is planning
to take me back once she moves to a nicer place that was the whole arrangment
but i cant wait any longer b/c these ppl here are close minded so i close
them off by being distant and a bitch...its seems to be working and i feel
no guilt b/c i see how they treat other ppl, but that isnt really the point.
If anyone knows if this is serious or normal please e-mail me so i can have
a clue of whats happend to me, last year i was just depressed and now its
like a mix and i have big mood swings and im just plain confused so please
drop a note if u have any idea whats wrong with me, thanx |
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